Review of Van Halen Albums

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  • Iannu
    Full On Cocktard
    • Nov 2004
    • 28

    #16
    Van Halen II - Warner Bros 1979
    Rating: A

    Somehow this record is a wee bit inferior to the first one, even though it's taken from the same batch of songs (hell, most of the riffs on the first 3 or 4 records were all written in 1977, so maybe that says something). Simply put, if you liked the first one, and could stand another cover tune (Carole King's 'You're No Good', which is given a sort of dumb treatment) and somewhat more intense (but not necessarily better, just, umm....darker!) sounding songs, you'll dig the shit outta this shit, I promise you. You'll dance to 'Dance the Night Away' which has to be best senior prom song ever. I wish they'd played it at mine.

    Crap, I dunno. There's a cool 'dark' vibe on here, like we're really serious about partying and screwing chicks. Like there's some danger or fast automobiles involved or something. Not like 'Ain't Talkin About Love'-I'm a bastard sort of darkness. Maybe the riffs are just a bit less good. Maybe there's too much similarity between songs 3 to 6 which makes the middle of the album a bit too generic of a Van Halen listen. Then there's the cool Spainsh guitar tap-a-thon 'Spanish Fly', the 'Louie Louie' riff rewrite (but Dark!) 'D.O.A.', then two funner ending songs called 'Women in Love' and 'Beautiful Girls' which leave thing on a lighter note. And that last one isn't dark at all, just happy as my gf after a foot rub. And the whole shebang's only like 30 minutes long, so there isn't a lot of wasted space on here. Its almost like a punk album or something in that regard. A bunch of great rock songs. And a great dance song. And a great, umm, acoustic guitar workout. If there is such a thing. Hey and there's no silliness like 'Ice Cream Man' here....its all Van Halen rockers all the time.

    And ummm....darker. Jesus. That sounds so stupid after the 15th time. This album doesn't though!

    Wasn't that a witty turn of phrase? Aren't I just a wit like Mr. Oscar Wilde?

    I mean without the other man's penis inserted in my rectum, of course.
    When all is one and one is all..
    back in the old days when van halen was unique
    and they hadn't hired sammy the prick...

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