Failed Musicians on 1984.

[Kristy]

Still not sure what to make of this other than it is another lame fucking podcast only this time presented by failed musicians. "Yeah...1984, man. It was a shit album but it was a great album. Roth was a shit singer who couldn't write lyrics worth a shit but Roth was the best frontman at the time. Eddie here is copying Jimmy Page but you can't hate this album because of Eddie's virtuosity as a guitar player. The bass player was shit BUT...he was the great bass player for this band. Alex was a phenomenal drummer but made a shit album...which was great." Make up you feeble goddamn minds.

https://1001albumcomplaints.captivate.fm/episode/197-van-halen-1984

Now, let's recap, shall we? How many times have moi told you fuckers on the dangers of being a failed musician? I know many of you turned away in ignorance being failed musicians yourselves but this podcast is just pointless. And the same formula follows for every album they review.

[Seshmeister]

Define failed musician.

[Kristy]

A “failed musician” is an over-opinionated, self-pretentious, loser stoner still living at home pontificating their ethnocentrism chord progressions and mixoreceptive scales are “the shit” all over social media standards YouTube, TikTok, Twitch, although no real musician knows what I the fuck they are talking about. A failed musician watches Fox News and masturbates to Ted Nugent. A failed music also has “another fucking gig” they need to get to. When asked where and when this alleged gig is they turn silent. A failed musician is usually a zit-faced high school dropout who has rich parents to buy him lots of expensive guitars which he has no idea how to play. So they buy that little shit more guitars hoping he might be able to play those.

A failed musician will want to suck on the decrypted cock of Jimmy Page. A failed musician will eventually end up in a cover band and play “hits” by the Doobie Brothers, Tom Petty, and Sarah McLachlan. A failed musician will tell you story after story of a Neil Peart drum solo or when Keith Emerson set his keyboard on fire. That same failed musician would meet a worse fate and find themselves in a hair band despite the homoerotic overtones.

A failed musician is always bitter. Need proof? The average conversation of a failed musician: “These fucking songs today, man. Fuck that. I play guitar to get pussy despite having no social skills. That Zeppelin tune, man. Yeah, the one they stole from the black man and made it all about date rape? Fuck. Was Jimmy Page the shit or what? One word, man. Bonham. What a motherfucker. That motherfucker knew how to bang chicks like he did those drums. Hot ones, too. Not these flat-chested bitches from this fucking redneck MAGA town here who shake their little tits on TikTok. No, Bonham and Page were motherfuckers. They knew how to fuck real women. That’s why Joe Rogan loves em!”

“Tom Petty. Talk about a motherfucker. Tom knew pain, maaaaan. He knew the suffering of the white man as did Hendrix. Oh, fuck Hendrix. Sweet Jesus. Fucking Jimi Hendrix. Fuck, man. Yeah, fucking Hendrix. I mean, he’s cool and everything, man but he really didn’t know what he was doing with the electric guitar. I’m steps above him. What he did was so ancient. On-stage I could probable take his ass. No contest. But what a motherfucker.”

A failed musician will get to care about amp tubes and Boss Digital delays as they take the place of any real relationship in their otherwise miserable lives. In conclusion, a failed musician is a asshole.


Class dismissed.

[Kristy]

They end up as bass players

[Seshmeister]

I don't think I fit any of your criteria but I'm definitely not a successful musician, in fact even calling myself a musician is a stretch by the standards I would set myself.

It's a weird thing because if someone comes up to me and praises me on my guitar playing after a gig I try to be gracious but at the same time kind of lose a bit of respect for them. That's zero to do with any false modesty it's because especially when you get older only an idiot or Guthrie Govan or someone exceptional like that wouldn't have found a million reasons to think they are fucking useless.

Like many problems in the world the internet has not helped with this. Maybe it's not a problem it's probably a good thing even but it doesn't help with self doubt when you then choose to stand in front of people claiming to have something they should want to listen to or watch.

I think most guitarists I meet these days don't have egos like you describe for the same reason, without a steady supply of nose cocaine it's difficult to think you are a genius when there are a thousand children on YouTube playing stuff you couldn't.

[Kristy]

I think most guitarists I meet these days don't have egos like you describe for the same reason, without a steady supply of nose cocaine it's difficult to think you are a genius when there are a thousand children on YouTube playing stuff you couldn't.

I'd never play a instrument. It's all about pressing buttons.

It that dude a fucking GENIUS or what? There are a thousand (or more) of these assholes all over YouGoob simple pressing buttons. Something you failed Boomer musicians will never comprehend.

[Mushroom]

I have ADHD. I need to start back at the top again. WTF? Or better yet... just go spin my 1984 QUIEX II special edition vinyl (pressed in 1984 bitches)

[Kristy]

Beats ever learning how to play a fucking instrument. Who has the time? Especially now when Americans are too busy putting "tiny screws" into iPhones for their billionaire corporate overlords. Just press some buttons, upload that shit to Spotify and PRESTO! you're a god damn overnight millionaire.


Meanwhile, slave SESH and his dying Boomer generation of assholes will be playing Tom Petty covers in Scottish pubs until 3:00AM with no pay.

[Terry]

Beats ever learning how to play a fucking instrument. Who has the time? Especially now when Americans are too busy putting "tiny screws" into iPhones for their billionaire corporate overlords. Just press some buttons, upload that shit to Spotify and PRESTO! you're a god damn overnight millionaire.


Meanwhile, slave SESH and his dying Boomer generation of assholes will be playing Tom Petty covers in Scottish pubs until 3:00AM with no pay.

Look, I'm a dying Gen-Xer ...

I'd more than readily agree that ALL these podcast commentary/reaction videos - regardless of topic - definitely fall into the category of "Who Gives A Fuck About What Some Nobody With A Webcam Thinks?" The archetypal Peanut Gallery snarking. At least those two Codgers in the Balcony on the Muppet Show were good for a few giggles.

Failed musician? I dunno. When I first started playing, it was for the sheer enjoyment of learning the instrument. In those first few years of learning, I always got a kick of learning how to play songs I liked. The difference I suppose was that kick was limited to myself and my garage band friends when we would jam. We'd record that stuff on a boom box and listen back to it, and it was good fun. This was ...what, 12, 13, 14, 15 years old I'm talking.

Late teens/early twenties I thought about getting serious with it as a career. Thankfully, I also learned on a very local level what it took to get serious about it in terms of commitment, regarding the amount of effort, time and devotion it would take to form a band, find people who were like-minded in that pursuit and wouldn't treat it like some side thing to do here and there for kicks, the actual economics of starting a band (finding/paying for rehearsal space, setting up gigs even at local shitty dive bars, shlepping all the gear to and from the gig, costs of buying and maintaining equipment) and what professional musicians made even if they DID 'make it' (and the odds of actually making it). After a few of said shitty dive bar gigs, I knew that the band I was in didn't have what it took to take it to the next level of playing at local music club venues that had a capacity of several hundred people, much less pony up the dough to actually record at a local professional studio vs. cruddy home demos on a 4 track Fostex. So, it was a hard learning experience, but I never felt devastated for the remainder of my life about not becoming a rock star.

To Sesh's point about the thousands of teen youtube guitar players technically flawlessly copying rock tunes or older rock guitar icons, to me that's always been simply the modern guitar equivalent of all those music stores in the 1980's where someone was invariably wailing away on Eddie Van Halen stuff, or Yngwie stuff or whatnot. Impressive as far as it goes. Of more interest would be taking that 'prodigal' technical prowess and ability to imitate and developing those attributes and going on to produce creative, compelling, original music down the line.

And in response to a particular point of Kristy's, while as I age I do become at times bitter of the roads not taken, I have only once masturbated to Ted Nugent.

[Mushroom]

Beats ever learning how to play a fucking instrument. Who has the time? Especially now when Americans are too busy putting "tiny screws" into iPhones for their billionaire corporate overlords. Just press some buttons, upload that shit to Spotify and PRESTO! you're a god damn overnight millionaire.


Meanwhile, slave SESH and his dying Boomer generation of assholes will be playing Tom Petty covers in Scottish pubs until 3:00AM with no pay.

Kristy, you and I can put together a better podcast. We can call it the Bitter and Sweet Irish Cream and Sour Grapes or something.

I listened to this stupid podcast. How do you have the time to find such garbage? These guys are blowhards and the girl is a dead fuck. This is one of the two podcasts I've ever listened to in my life and now I remember why I do not listen to podcasts. I'm ready to slice my wrist. At least I was able to work while listening so it was not a total loss. My productivity decreased by 50%.

[Kristy]

Podcast are a dime-a-dozen especially music podcast. The only one I find worth a shit listening to is 'A History of Rock Music in 500 Songs' in which that dude (who is a limey) actually does the fucking research on the given artist and/or song. That podcast is the only one that curtails that rock stars - no matter their exceptional talent - are total assholes and that rock & roll lifestyle is really a sad existence. Jesus, I thought Hendrix was fucked up but nowhere near as Elvis, Brian Wilson or the one he just did on Sandy Denny.

Anywayz, this is the direction music or I should say popular music is heading. Nobody wants to put in the hours anymore that it takes to develop into something that one can say is listenable. Just press a button or two and instant musical status is born which is weird when most of these assholes have no idea what the Circle of Fifths are much less what it means to be playing in a key. Just press a button. Instruments and all the shit that goes with them is insanely expensive, touring cost even more and you can trace this back to stricter drunk driving laws that people no longer go out to shitty bars to see local bands no matter how good or bad.

Which leads me to ask "why even bother?" That's what these smug shitheads on this particular podcast are doing. I would be willing to bet they are far too young to have ever seen Van Halen play live (the Roth years) or any other band in which they talk about. Anyone can pick up an instrument and play gawd knows what and call themselves a musician without the hassle of having to practice or patience to learn to cultivate a style they can call their own. Upload your shit to Spotify and you may make a dime or two without doing any work. So many of today's bands sound like this band or that band or that and this band from 20 years ago. Put it this way, if these fuckwads were actual musicians they would not be doing a dismal and for the most part unlistenable podcast.

Saying that does not let you Boomers off the hook, either. Monkey Pox imbeciles like (p)Rick Beato is a prime example. That failed music motherfucker is too busy living in the past to even recognize that his subscribers under say, 40 do not give a shit about the pretentiousness of Steely Dan, limey prog rock or dickheads like Stinkvey Malmsteen. Although I find Stinkvey's music to be quite comical to the point of absurd parody. Was music better some 40-50-60 years ago? Not really. The only difference I can see is that there was an industry of numerous record labels and executives more than willing to exploit the artist they were signing. That took time. It also took money. Nowadays it's venture capitalist making backroom deals with the four major labels left (Sony, Warner Brothers, Universal Group and BMG - though BMG and Universal may be the same now) pumping out algorithms for their fucktarded subscribers. The artist still gets fucked over. So some things never change.

And that has led to another problem: "The Reactionary Asshole"

This sad state of the internet today with its disinformation pollution, scams, social media vanity, and corporate billionaires has now produced the Reactionary Asshole. And you know god damn well who I am talking about. Fucktards like this:

or this (slave SESH favorite:

No, don't bother watching them. I sure as shit didn't. I choose these assholes at random. What better way to make money off of another's work. And that's the problem I have with these Gen-Z/Millennial shitstains. Do any of these fuckers have a job? Have they ever had a job? I'll give credit to all the Boomer bands who put in the effort but as you can tell they don't give a single fuck about the music. It's all for show. It's all about subscribers and money for nothing and clicks for free.

Which leads me back to these podcasters. Smug, arrogant, clueless and probably mentally retarded. No one questions that Eddie was a once in a lifetime virtuoso or Roth was an ego-tripping asshole that's exactly what made Van Halen Van Halen - oh, and fuck you to all the S PA M M Y fans who may be reading this. 1984 was not a great album, at least to me, they had exhausted themselves and the cracks were starting to show. That is an entirely different story. Until these diseased, ever-so entitled "musicians" make a household name for themselves - just like the Reactionary Assholes all over YouGoob, they can shut the fuck up.

Yet, for some unknown reason slave SESH supports this.

[Seshmeister]

Support it? I haven't even listened to it.

[Terry]

Podcast are a dime-a-dozen especially music podcast. The only one I find worth a shit listening to is 'A History of Rock Music in 500 Songs' in which that dude (who is a limey) actually does the fucking research on the given artist and/or song. That podcast is the only one that curtails that rock stars - no matter their exceptional talent - are total assholes and that rock & roll lifestyle is really a sad existence. Jesus, I thought Hendrix was fucked up but nowhere near as Elvis, Brian Wilson or the one he just did on Sandy Denny.

Anywayz, this is the direction music or I should say popular music is heading. Nobody wants to put in the hours anymore that it takes to develop into something that one can say is listenable. Just press a button or two and instant musical status is born which is weird when most of these assholes have no idea what the Circle of Fifths are much less what it means to be playing in a key. Just press a button. Instruments and all the shit that goes with them is insanely expensive, touring cost even more and you can trace this back to stricter drunk driving laws that people no longer go out to shitty bars to see local bands no matter how good or bad.

Which leads me to ask "why even bother?" That's what these smug shitheads on this particular podcast are doing. I would be willing to bet they are far too young to have ever seen Van Halen play live (the Roth years) or any other band in which they talk about. Anyone can pick up an instrument and play gawd knows what and call themselves a musician without the hassle of having to practice or patience to learn to cultivate a style they can call their own. Upload your shit to Spotify and you may make a dime or two without doing any work. So many of today's bands sound like this band or that band or that and this band from 20 years ago. Put it this way, if these fuckwads were actual musicians they would not be doing a dismal and for the most part unlistenable podcast.

Saying that does not let you Boomers off the hook, either. Monkey Pox imbeciles like (p)Rick Beato is a prime example. That failed music motherfucker is too busy living in the past to even recognize that his subscribers under say, 40 do not give a shit about the pretentiousness of Steely Dan, limey prog rock or dickheads like Stinkvey Malmsteen. Although I find Stinkvey's music to be quite comical to the point of absurd parody. Was music better some 40-50-60 years ago? Not really. The only difference I can see is that there was an industry of numerous record labels and executives more than willing to exploit the artist they were signing. That took time. It also took money. Nowadays it's venture capitalist making backroom deals with the four major labels left (Sony, Warner Brothers, Universal Group and BMG - though BMG and Universal may be the same now) pumping out algorithms for their fucktarded subscribers. The artist still gets fucked over. So some things never change.

And that has led to another problem: "The Reactionary Asshole"

This sad state of the internet today with its disinformation pollution, scams, social media vanity, and corporate billionaires has now produced the Reactionary Asshole. And you know god damn well who I am talking about. Fucktards like this:

or this (slave SESH favorite:

No, don't bother watching them. I sure as shit didn't. I choose these assholes at random. What better way to make money off of another's work. And that's the problem I have with these Gen-Z/Millennial shitstains. Do any of these fuckers have a job? Have they ever had a job? I'll give credit to all the Boomer bands who put in the effort but as you can tell they don't give a single fuck about the music. It's all for show. It's all about subscribers and money for nothing and clicks for free.

Which leads me back to these podcasters. Smug, arrogant, clueless and probably mentally retarded. No one questions that Eddie was a once in a lifetime virtuoso or Roth was an ego-tripping asshole that's exactly what made Van Halen Van Halen - oh, and fuck you to all the S PA M M Y fans who may be reading this. 1984 was not a great album, at least to me, they had exhausted themselves and the cracks were starting to show. That is an entirely different story. Until these diseased, ever-so entitled "musicians" make a household name for themselves - just like the Reactionary Assholes all over YouGoob, they can shut the fuck up.

Yet, for some unknown reason slave SESH supports this.

I'd agree 100% across the board regarding internet reaction videos in general.

Mostly because with regard to music or movies or tv shows or books or whatever, the only reaction that matters to me is my own in terms of how I felt or feel about whatever.

If it's a video of someone else famous in whatever realm reacting to somebody else famous in that same realm then MAYBE that MIGHT be of some interest in a fleeting way. Some random person of no accomplishment in any realm, well, why WOULD I give a fuck about what they think?

Even beyond that, it's like, everything under the sun has been deconstructed, analyzed, sifted through and parsed to the nth degree even before the interwebs started becoming commercially more available in the mid-1990's.

1984 wasn't my favorite Van Halen album, either. In truth, the band had already exhausted themselves by the time the pervious album, Diver Down, was being made. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Eddie never liked that album and it was all dumped on Eddie's shoulders by the evil David Lee Roth, Ted Templeman and Warner Brothers. Whatever. Van Halen had already made 4 albums by that point, Ed knew what a record contract entailed by that point. Just because Ed and his brother were in a perpetual, self-induced alcohol and cocaine haze back in the day doesn't sidestep their participation on the record and tour. Ed could have said no to the record. Not without consequence, but he could have nonetheless. He chose not to. Nobody forced him to play the Kinks cover on that album. Or sing along on the Happy Trails track. Or use his Mini Moog Synth music for a cover of Dancing In The Streets.

Not really sure what boomers are 'on the hook for' though. Everybody is free to listen to or watch (or, better yet, create) what they like.