"You've got to constantly reinvest your
enthusiasm for livin' large, marge, so large you need a barge!"
Young musicians are always coming up to me
and asking how do you know when you've made it. When you can spell subpoena
without thinking about it, that's when you know you've made it.
I think that all the great adventures can
be written on the back of a beer soaked napkin
The violence and everything and Eddie Van
Halen constantly calling me out, screaming into a camera lens from three
thousand, two hundred and twenty six miles away, 'I'm gonna kick you in your
nuts! You better wear a cup. You better watch your balls.' This causes me to
ask, because we're talking to a very articulate magazine here, with an
articulate audience readership, and an entirely articulate interviewer here.
What kind of balls is he imagining? What kind of testicles are haunting
Eddie Van Halen's sleep? Are these giant turbo-prop monster truck nards that
smash Chevies and Buicks and are now rolling over his front gate right now
up there at 5150 and crushing his designer sports car and the family pet as
it squeals a short, brief, glorious warning? Or are these highly trained,
super-mobile, small, but highly maneuverable Belgian assault nards that even
now are swarming under the gates and are about to sail into the nerve center
of the gangland stronghold! The mind fairly reels, sire.
There are a lot of people who make a living
off of my name. The only interesting thing about Van Halen, after the music
stops, is me. It's not that I do so much, it's that they do so goddamn
little! - DLR 1997
I think people want the balance more than
ever. You know, plant an Ethiopian, feed the rain forest, save the ozone
layer--you gotta have that! "Oh woe is me," as a form of
self-dramatization, is always fun. It shouldn't be replaced, but there
should be a balance. Sooner or later, it's Miller time! Sooner or later,
there is some hallelujah, watusi-tailgate,
light-up-the-goddamn-sky-it's-finally-the-weekend, okay? And I don't care
whether you wear a cowboy hat or your hair is purple, I don't care if you
have a wedding ring or a clit ring, sooner or later, there's Miller time!
That doesn't mean simple belly laughs, and it doesn't mean high-brow. It
just means, "Wanna go have a drink?"
"For years I’ve tried to be a
gentleman about this and it’s very frustrating," he said. "That's
part of the reason I left. I think it’s obvious now that what Sam has
brought to the band is only….. mediocre at best. "I’ve never met
Sam, but I almost feel sorry for the guy. If the old team got back together
to do a Farm Aid or AIDS benefit, that 45 minutes would totally eclipse what
he has done in his entire career. And Sam would be forgotten," Roth
said, adding , "I wonder how he sleeps at night."
I always wanted to be an outrage to public
decency and a threat to women. And this is one of the few occupations where
you're not only allowed that, buy you're encouraged.
Van Halen has always come down the beach
with a torch in one hand and a sword in the other, and that's the way we've
always approached our music and our live show and particularly my interviews
and I don't see how people can resist. In 1984, you can't avoid us. You can
talk whatever you want about clothing and haircuts, but it's all in the
grooves. If the music moves, then you've got it.
I’m about right here, right now. What the
Van Halens are about is wasted time. If you think one second isn’t
valuable. Then ask the little girl who just missed getting a gold medal at
the Olympics by one second. If you think one month is not valuable to
somebody. Then ask the lady who just had a premature kid how valuable that
month is. Eddie Van Halen and his sister have wasted years. I’m about
right now. I’m about right here
I have a very belligerent enthusiasm or an
enthusiastic belligerence. I’m an intellectual slut.
What I represent is attitude, point of
view. What I represent is some sort of spiritual neighborhood. If you hate
me then you hate your most favorite parts about yourself. Ozzy is the Prince
of Darkness and I’m the Patron Saint of Larceny. Who would you rather be?
What I did with Eddie Van Halen is as
familiar as the McDonald’s arches or the Nike swoosh. You can’t get
through a sporting event, or at least a contact sporting event, on
television without hearing me sing some verb to you, whether it’s Jump or
whatever. Song’s like Hot For Teacher are as familiar as homeroom.
Although now when I get spanked by a ruler it costs me a hundred dollars
extra. Oh, there’s the drum roll. And, at this point in time the Devil
should be runnin’ with me. Boom, shheee! Oh, there it is again. Actually,
the ice cream truck should be playing my song. That’s how familiar it is,
somewhere between Ms. Nelson’s third period homeroom and the ice cream
truck.
Dave
during a radio interview in 2002
Interviewer:
You’re five minutes early! How rock and roll is that?
Diamond Dave: Like a thunderbolt in your Cheerios, son, wake up and smell the toxic waste. They took it out of my pop tarts just when I was getting used to the taste. Actually, I haven’t been to sleep since the late Eighties. How do I look?
When they
make my gravestone," says David Lee Roth, "it's going to be a
cement copy of Huckleberry Finn with a pair of cement handcuffs on top of
it.
"Solitude
is a pretty sweet drug, but if you try it< for more than a couple of
days, you're an odds- on candidate for the Keith Richards Hall of
Fame." Penthouse 1986
DLR
On "Livewire" 1980
" Do you know what I am going to have put on my gravestone when I
die? Here have one on me... I told you I didn't feel good"!
Interviewer- David Lee you have pretty much I say everything that you
have ever wanted up to now up until this point and have you thought of a
goal that is out there like ...acting"
DLR- "No...not acting. If you are talking about goals something
that you work for, something that you strive and that you have to work
for... I want a motorcycle"
From
"Innerview" 1980
" Michael is a connoisseur of Jack Daniels...his best line is he
likes a woman who knows what she is doing, cause after he finishes a bottle
of Jack...he don't"
From MTV's Hot
Seat 1991
"A Little Ain't Enough, Yeah..its the Honda principle baby.
If 2 is good...the 4 is better! A working title for single, pretty
good. As theme song for an entire career.. even a little bit better!
From
Rock Line 1986
Viewer Call In --"You put on such an incredible live show with Van
Halen and solo and I was wondering because you are so visual how come you
never have released a live video, and are you ever going to do so?"
Dave's Reply--- "Well it's Like my Pants.. Its hard to squeeze it all
in!"
FLEXIBLE
There is a statue of a BUDDA in my driveway
Rigid and stiff
That's where the birds shit
And he deserves it
Me, like a blade of grass
I bend profoundly
No raindrops on me
The wind blows 'round me
ZEN
POEM
Get yourself
a brand-new Maserati... Open the door; Smells like vinyl, Corners like a
brick, no bottom end, no stereo to be found. Now You get yourself a Maserati
With a little distance under the tire, A couple of good drinking stories
Packed into the rearview mirror, Here let me adjust that for you. Open the
door; smells like leather, Corners like a dream shot through the eye of a
cloud, Tipped right off of Babe Ruth's ghost bat---Pow! And your legs are
gonna get bumps Every time the bass man thumps. The choice is yours....
That's what I thought; me too.
From
The Movie "AIRHEADS"
CHAZZ was Brendan Fraser MOORE was Harold Ramis
MILO was Michael McKean REX was Steve Buscemi
IAN was Joe Mantegna
CHAZZ
(to Moore)
Let me ask you a question. Which side did you take in the big Van Halen /
David Lee Roth split?
MOORE
Uh...what do you mean?
Chris Moore fidgets nervously.
MILO
What kind of question is that?
CHAZZ
Which way did you go, man? Roth or Halen?
MOORE
Van Halen?
IAN
He's a cop.
Chazz tosses Chris Moore's wallet to the ground.
CHAZZ
Later, bacon.
REX
Oink oink!
MOORE
Come on, come on! That's strictly a judgment call, those guys sold a lot of
records after Dave left the group. Give me another one.
They confer for a second.
CHAZZ
Okay, who'd win in a wrestling
Match, Lemmy or God?
MOORE
Lemmy-No... God!
REX
Wrong, dick-head, it was a trick
Question. Lemmy is God.
MOORE
Chazz, you got it all wrong...
CHAZZ
(loses his cool)
Get the fuck out of here, cop!
![David Lee Roth Army](http://www.rotharmy.com/images/quote4.gif)
Various
Quotes
"The girls will turn
your shorts into grilled cheese, man!"
"Yes, I don't discriminate. I've slept with black women and Chinese
women. In fact, I've slept with a black Chinese woman."
"You mean that hot dog
I just ate was Sammy Hagar?"
"Van Halen is the 'Get
the fuck of the sidewalk if ya don't like our drivin' ' kinda music!"
"I remember being on
the very first 'Joan Rivers Show' and I remember it vividly 'cause she was
saying, 'At the Van Halen shows these days, people are holding up signs
saying 'Screw David Lee Roth!''--and I'm thinkin', 'Is that advice?'"
"I don't care what Ed
Van Halen says about me--all's I know is that Howard Stern and Mr. Rogers
like me just the way I fucking am!"
"These two new songs
on the "Best Of," for example, should come with a kit including a
bong, a thesaurus, and a driver's side air-bag!"
"The hood ornament on
your car is for telling you where you're going. The rear-view-mirror is for
showing you how good you look while you're getting there."
"Do I ever get turned
down by women? I never ask."
"We took these two
little people with us on tour, Jimmy and Danny, as my bodyguards. They're
probably 3 1/2, 4 1/2 feet tall. We had 'em in 'S.W.A.T." uniforms. If
nothing else, I can wake up in Tunafish, Wyoming, nine in the morning,
hung-over; even if I'm miserable, I can look out the door to the hallway and
there goes a midget in a bath towel holding the hand of a girl he was with
last night--and I know I'm in rock 'n' roll!"
"When you're on the
road for nine months a year and you always have these cute little chiquitas
running around in their halter tops, it's kind of hard to worry about things
like nuclear proliferation."
"I have three answers
I give to interviewers. The first one is: 'Yeah, I think you're trying to
ask me this, but I'm gonna talk about whatever the fuck I want.' The second
is: 'I see what you're see what you're asking but I'm gonna talk about
whatever the fuck I want.' And the third one is: 'Oh, I see. You're asking
me this, lemme say something first and then I'm gonna talk about whatever
the fuck I want.' It's quite an open forum."
"After you take out
the managers' percentage, the agents' percentage, the money for the roadies,
the lighting, the trucks, the buses, the sound and everything, the most I'll
probably see as far as money goes after it's all said and done, is...an
island."
"Hey, your girlfriend
was partying with us backstage before the show, and she had a message for ya:
'mmfp mmf umf fmff mmm.'"
"People are always
asking me, 'Dave, what's it mean when you say somebody's rockin' or
somebody's not rockin'?' and I say, 'I'll illustrate: a guy with black
shoes, black socks, blue and white bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian luau shirt, a
'Nikon' and a jackknife around his neck, zinc oxide on his nose, a pair of
sunglasses, a fishing hat with all the badges on it, and he's staring up at
buildings--that's rock 'n' roll.'"
![David Lee Roth Army](http://www.rotharmy.com/images/quote2.gif)
"She leaned over the
table at the bar and said to me 'Dave...everybody wants some...would you
like some too? So one thing lead to another and another and another and we
ended up going to my hotel room. I walked inside the room...I turned off the
liiiiights, and sat down at the edge of the bed. And I started to, I started
to say something to her as I felt her hand reach across, and grab me by
myyyyyyy...she gently, gently but firmly grabbed myyyyyyyy...she grabbed my
by my hand [crowd boos]...ALRIGHT SHE GRABBED MY DICK, WHADDYA WANT MAN?!
What are you laughin' at Al? You didn't get your dick grabbed all last week,
man?!"
"Would I join Van
Halen again if they asked me? Not without a team of lawyers and a valuum!"
"'DLR Band' means
Dave, Lowery, and Ray. I named it that because it sounds more like a band
then 'David Lee Roth,' which just sounds like a person. When you hear 'David
Lee Roth'--you think of a person. When you hear 'DLR Band'--you think of a
band. Just like when you hear 'Eddie Van Halen' you think of a person, and
when you hear 'Van Halen'--you think of David Lee Roth."
"We're simply throwing
up a defense against becoming so insulated from our fans and dying face down
in the bathroom poisoned by a banana split like Elvis" DLR on
groupies.
"We're just trying to
interact with our audience on a socio-cultural level!"DLR on groupies.
When asked to describe
himself in six words or less:
"Sugar, starch, fat, grease and alcohol!"
"Sugar", he mimed holding a girl, "Starch" he flexed his
biceps, "Fat" he rubbed his stomach, "Grease" he rubbed
his fingers in the 'money' sign, and "Alcohol" needed no
explaining.
"An ounce of image is
worth a pound of performance"
"I used to have a drug
problem, now I make enough money."
"Van Halen can keep
providing the rain and I'll keep providing the parade."
"It wouldn't be fair
to compare my band of the future with something that belongs in the
pasture."
"I used to jog but the
ice-cubes kept falling out of my glass."
"The National Enquirer
is the only paper I use for more than rolling joints."
"I would just like to
say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late
nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle."
"People think I have
this strange concept of women, but they're wrong. I'm a family-oriented kind
of guy. I've personally started four or five this year already!"
"I can tell you don't
like me at all... do me a favor, spread it around!"
"If you can't do it in
a white T-shirt and a pair of jeans under one white light bulb, you can't do
it!"
"A lot of bands
mature, which means they get square; they start delivering messages. Hey,
you got a message, use Western Union."
![David Lee Roth Army](http://www.rotharmy.com/images/quote1.jpg)
"People ask me,
"so what about Van Halen today?" I tell 'em "hey I'm not in
it, I don't give a shit." They say "so what about Valerie
Bertinelli?" I say, "same answer."
"One of my friends
took me to one of these all-you-can-eat salad bars recently. I passed out
and it took 3 Snickers bars and a Coke to revive me."
"Hell, if I wanted to
be serious, I'd have joined the Boston Symphony."
"I live and breathe
and do four times as much four times as fast as anyone else."
"I just wanted to be
in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and
stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50"
"I knew already when I
was seven years old, that I wanted to be on stage and entertain people. I
sell laughs. Here, you got one for free!"
"I say to the guys in
the band: "You know what Voltaire said?" They think Voltaire is an
air conditioning company."
"Always had it, always
WILL have it!"
"It's not who wants to
sleep with you; It's who wants to sleep with you again."
"He who knows how will
always work for he who knows why."
"With me in the band,
it’s one of those miraculous 97-97 deals. It’s 97 percent you and 97
percent moi. Is it Mick or Keith? I don’t know. I’m currently the fun
part, and I’ll always be the fun part. I ran into one of the current
managers not terribly long ago, and he said, "Hey, Dave, you know,
it’s just another chapter. And I told him "No. Classic VH is the
whole book, all right? The rest of you are just disposable chapters."
"My Daddy told me when
I was a boy - Dave, It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how good you
looked!"
"My aim is for this
band to be the most colorful outfit on the map. I want the women who come to
our gigs to remain the prettiest you will ever find at a rock'n'roll show.
And I want our attitudes to be the highest.. Drama! Chaos! AND organization!
It's a hell of a soundtrack to live by ... and that's exactly what we're
going for!"
'Whatever guy said that
money don't but you pleasure didn't know where to go shopping' - David Lee
Roth
"I approach my
concerts as if I were having a first date with a woman. I ask myself, `Would
I still be here if I were blind? "
"Maybe it's all
bullshit, but who cares? It's a cool rock’n’roll attitude anyway."
- David Lee Roth on his image
"Van Halen was one of
the most hallelujah, tailgate, backyard, BBQ, arrive four hours early to the
gig just for the parking lot bands. And still to this day is. It's an
attitude. I think it's a spirit more than anything else is."
"Van Halen likes to
keep things simple. All we're doing is giving our daily lives melodies,
beats and titles."
Old Van Halen, when I was
in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And
the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a
relationship.
"If ever I do get
really down in the dumps, though, I just pack a bag and take off for a month
in the bush, just get lost in the wilderness somewhere away from all the
bulls?!t" - DLR in Kerrang!
"Some of the audiences
know my lyrics better than I do"
"It's funny---here I
am the son of a Jewish doctor, and the Van Halens are sons of a musician, a
world traveler. They wound up married with children, and I'm by myself,
never happy staying in any one place for too long."
"Most people are
surprised that I spend most of my time alone. I lived with a girlfriend for
a couple of years, but that's over now. Before that I lived on my own for
twelve years. I do that now too and that's what makes me happy"
"I was a virgin with a
band called Van Halen. I don't ever expect that I'll find that situation
again with a different group of guys when you're hiring quite literally
right out of the parking lot."
"Music is something
Van Halen makes when they run out of nothing to do"
"A lot of people think
that a VH tour is just one long orgy with a few stops on stage in between.
Well, let me tell you - they're right."
"I was the early Van
Halen style. I wrote half of every song you heard from Van Halen, sometimes
more than that"
"I found me a gal who
is a Princeton graduate, front of the class, OK, comes from academic family,
and plays roller hockey full contact, 2,3 times a week, and I mean full
contact. She's taller than I am, and stronger than me, discovered that first
time we went kayaking. Dry, critical, sarcastic, elitist, distant... hey
baby want to get married?"
"Many people think
that the end has come when one marries and gets kids - to me it would be a
wonderful new beginning."
"There are three rings
to marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering"
"I don't get all the
women that I want...I get all the women that want me!
"I was with a girl not
terribly long ago and she said "Mr. Roth, I think you’re the oldest
person I've ever been with." I said "Honey I was gonna say the
same thing to you."
"Women are my hobby...
every man needs something to keep his hands busy, and I don't have a guitar
like Eddie and Michael, or some drums to bash like Alex, so I have to find
some friends."
"The world's a stage,
and I want the brightest spot"
"It hasn't got that
much to do with ego. The world doesn't revolve around me. But I'm a
competitor, not a spectator on this earth."
"What am I going to
do, sing a million dollars harder at the US Festival than at the bottom
line? Honey, I sing like a million dollars regardless."
"I've been going
steady with my girlfriend for maybe two, maybe three... days!"
"We've been together
maybe ten years, straight out of high school and stuff. I'd say that in the
whole ten years we've been together, we've put in ... oh. A good seven or
eight hours of rehearsal."
"There's a little Van
Halen in all of us, and we're just trying to bring it out. It's like
something bursts inside of you, something that makes you not care what
people around you are thinking. It makes you invincible, like if a car hit
you, nothing would happen to you. That experience is about the audience, not
us. All we do is provide the soundtrack."
"Van Halen's got
nothing to hide. What you've walked into is a self-created fantasyland where
everything happens four times as quick. Anything you desire you can find
here, whatever your vice."
"I always thought that
song should be sung by a girl."- Roth about Sammy Hagar singing
"Panama"
"I won't go down in
history, but I will go down on your sister!"
"Music videos are like
girlfriends. I'm constantly amazed on what other people do"
"Look at all the
people here tonight!!
"The only people who
put iced tea in Jack Daniel's bottles is the Clash baby!!" US Festival
1983
"You bet your ass this
is real Jack Daniel's.. I don't see fuckin' Quiet Riot up here"
"Take'em out back and
give him a fuckin' drink, man. He made it this far, give him a fuckin' shot.
Gimme the bottle, man!" - about a fan who ran on-stage at Donington
1984
"Alex Van Halen is
f?!ked up on Guinness tonight!!"
"I'm feeling pretty
fuckin' good myself tonight!"
"We get to the hotel,
there's people partyin' in the parking lot, people gettin' down in the
elevator, wow! I swear to God I had this one chick, this chick was poundin'
on my door, she was kickin' and screamin' at my door 'til about 6.30 this
morning. Finally, I just said, "Fuck it! and let her out of my
room"
"Baby, don't stick
that tongue out at me, unless you're gonna use it.. Ah, she's ready to use
it!!" - to a girl in the audience
"Hey, don't be throwin'
no shit up on stage pal, cos I saw who threw that bottle and after the
show... I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend, yeah!"
"ALEX! I'm sorry, the
motherf?!ker's been drinking since the 4th of July!"
"You know I told him:
Billy (Sheehan) when we started this band: We're gonna share everything,
bro! I told him: Billy, if I have money, you have money. Billy, if I have
food, you have food. I told him: Billy, if I find a beautiful woman in
Detroit, you have two!"
"When something goes
wrong one should, instead of bitching and giving up, say "This didn't
work out, eh? How can we fix it? What are we gonna do next?"
"It doesn't get
better, it doesn't get worse, but it sure gets different!"
"Remember, life is
just a game and no one gets out alive"
"Trouble with dreams
is, a lot of them do come true. By the time they do, you've turned into
somebody else. That's what happens with time... It's always been important
to me, that my dream come true, when I wanted. We turned our dream into
reality by not even really pursuing either one. We didn't pursue the dream
and we certainly didn't pursue reality!"
"When you get
something like MTV, it's like regular television. You get it, and at first
it's novel and brand new and then you watch every channel, every show. And
then you become a little more selective and more selective, until
ultimately... You wind up with a radio."
"Whatever somebody
else can't do in his 9-5 job, I can do in rock'n'roll."
"You want to know if
we're animals? When I'm on stage with the volume rippling my body like a
glass of water and thousands of people are generating heat in my direction,
there's no time for thought. My basement facilities take over completely.
Sure it's animal. People might like to talk about art, but look where art
is, in the gutter. "
"I want to be in
control, I want to know everything. Not just to be the guy who walks into
the studio or up on stage and sings and that's it."
"Now I make music
without listening to my bank account"
"The Breakfast of
Champions isn't cereal, it's the competition!"
" I'm gonna stand up
for rock and roll tonight, baby... In fact, by the time we hit the stage,
I'll be lucky to just stand up!"
"Many of the critics
have kids of their own. It scares the hell out of them to think that their
kids could be anything remotely like David Lee Roth".
"You know what rock
musicians are? -They are hung up, neurotic, over-weight hippies with sex
problems. DLR 1997
"If a couple of
strippers are fist-fighting in the hallway and you lose sleep and you show
up gnarly and testy in the morning, then you record the fast song"- on
the recording of ALAE (Rolling Stone)
"Nothing in here is
worth dying for"- message on DLR's gate
"If a great surgeon
insures his eyes, and a great pianist his fingers, why can't we insure
my..."- DLR
"A lot of rock bands
are truly a legend in their own minds."
"You don't have to be
in the arena at this point, and for half of the bands out there it's
probably better if they don't show up. You rather watch the smoke bombs and
the light show and the statues"
"If you took away
every musician who drank or did drugs, you wouldn't have anybody left."
"The perfect woman has
an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a
pizza!"
"Here today, gone
later today" - about one-hit-wonder bands
"My visions and
fantasies are pretty standard. The only difference is I got to do it, while
most of us haven’t. Beyond that, I'm a pretty standard guy. Give me a gal
with a sense of humor, acidic wit, who’s read a few books and has a body
like a Swedish speed skater, and I'm quite content.”
"Son of a gun... I
FORGOT THE FUCKING WORDS!" - US Festival, 1983
"Life is not a
popularity contest. Do not expect to see Valentino in the mirror."
"I think the two most
difficult things to deal with in life are failure and success"
"If you're a
three-dimensional human being, if you are sassy, if you have the ability to
be sexy and laugh at the same time, if you love a slam-dunk approach to
music as well as a toast and a tear, if the bittersweet appeals to you, if
you'd rather look over your shoulder and see two hot f?%k-me mambo babes
doing that to your retinas with alarming frequency, if you want
entertainment, celestial bodies ... this is adult music for adults. What Van
Halen was designed to be. That's why you want to see David Lee Roth. We have
not mellowed. What you are seeing here is a lot less wasted movement."
"There's no pot of
gold for us [Van Halen] at the end of the rainbow, we're just here to ride
the rainbow"
"People say that life
is a cesspool of darkness and despair. Well we of Van Halen are sailing
through it in a yacht!"
"What are the
characteristics of a good rock'n'roller? Rock'n'roll is in you. You either
got it or you don't. You can't fake it. It has to be inside you just itching
to get out. And when it does, POW! It's like a dam bursting. That's Van
Halen."
Gimme a bottle o'anythin'
and a glazed donut - TO GO!"- Yankee Rose video intro, 1986
"Oh my God! This is
David Lee Roth of Van Halen, Live! In front of your naked steaming
eyes"- a radio promo
"I have tried many
different forms of presentation in the past years. I was proud of some and
less proud of others... But I did them all superbly!"
"I am not this way,
the way I am, because I am in a band. I am in a band, because I am this
way"
"People ask me how far
I've come. And I tell them 12 feet. From the audience to the stage!"
"Seriously, I don't
have any rivals. You can't have me and a second-rate impersonation of me and
tell me that here's my rival. No contest! There is such a thing as being
original. Without it, no matter how good the impersonation, you're
nothing."
"Money can't buy you
happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside
it"
"The beauty of rock
and roll is that there are no rules and no schools. You just make it up as
you go."
"Audience
participation should extend from on-stage to backstage to under the
stage"
"Let's play with the
career, if we can't find anything else to do"
"We wouldn't lie to ya!
We just met ya! Lyin's for LATER in the relationship..." "I only
have two flavors baby, bubblegum and dick... and I'm all out of
bubblegum."
"There are two rules
to living well. The first is, don't sweat the little shit. The second is,
it's all little shit. In other words, it's all okay. We may be lost, but
we're way ahead of schedule."
-From Crazy From The Heat-
From the chapter "What
Made Classic VanHalen Tick"
"Regardless of how a
song was written though, the key to the Van Halen sound is that it was live
in the studio,…….."
"But the very finest
Van Halen material was performed absolutely live in the studio, all of those
first albums. And the best material on the later albums was completely live,
including the solo, including the echo that was on the individual
instruments. And we played each song three or four times. We would pick the
best version, but almost inevitably the very first version would be the best
because we weren't thinking about it."
"It was very pure
because there was very little done later except to rearrange the
instruments; let's turn up the guitar, let's turn it down. We can't quite
hear the voice here so let's turn it up, let's turn it down, whatever. That
was the extent of it."
"If you'll notice, all
Van Halen songs, the really good ones, end up faster than they
started…..Things became more furious right around the end of the guitar
solo…..The band played all the songs all together in the studio, including
the guitar solo, which means it was exactly live."
"Oh, man. We defied
all convention. The media, the rock critics squealed like wieners on a
barbecue. Wholly unacceptable. Wholly unacceptable. We weren't afraid to try
anything."
"The Van Halens
understood the heavy rock approach and were proponents of that which begat
punk rock, that crash and burn approach."
From the chapter "Wars
And Remembrance"
"One of the reasons
that Van Halen merchandise was so successful, as was the music, is because
it was generated from the same source. I never considered it to be any
different. It was a pure approach. Same as we created the songs. Pure. VH
music was not designed to sell. We went against the grain from beginning to
end. It was designed to speak, to tell a story. And because of that, I'm
convinced now, is why it's so massively popular………………."
"The horse will find
it's way to the water if the water exists. But if you dry out the pond
intentionally, that's it, man, it's gone. All you'll have is a story."
"I'm very proud of
what was that band and what was that show and what it did mean to people. It
disgusts me that it has turned into the complete opposite. That it now
represents everything that I spoke against, that we supposedly represented
the converse of. I don't want to have to remember that the team turned into
that. Makes me question what the team was while I was a member. Was it all
bullshit? If nothing else, it confirms in my mind that from my
standpoint-yours truly, David Lee-not a fraction. If nothing else, this kind
of morbid, wounded animal anger aimed my way has caused me to look deep into
that bathroom mirror and come back to you with "my shit was
legit." It was for real. And perhaps the test is time. Because here I
am, a decade and a half later, haven't changed much. My sense of humor is
about the same."
"I guess the best I
can say is: Don't believe every syllable of everything that you read by
everybody who wrote it. Go out and buy those records and see if you can hear
the truth in the music. That's my reccommendation. Some of those records you
may have to buy twice-just in case you want your best pal to listen in too
so you can discuss it some more. Dolemite, motherfucker!"
From the chapter BUSINESS
101:
"When I put on a show,
you're gonna get your bang for the buck. The only responsibility I feel
toward the audience is to maximize my inspirations and imaginations 100
percent. Well, I got imagination the size of Texas. And that costs a lot of
money. It starts right with the band. I'm not gonna bring you some
ill-rehearsed horseshit, with sub-par musicians because I could pay them
less. I'm gonna bring you one hundred slammin' days rehearsal where most
people are gonna give you ten. You know how much that costs? In terms of the
staging, the lights and the whatever? Wow! So once that 33 percent is gone,
all the rest I used up for the show. Yeah, I could have cut back. I could
also have another name and be a different artist, too. I don't cut back. I'd
rather die than be the last guy up the hill. Period. Peri-fuckin'-id."
"It's unfortunate that
this feuding has to continue all the way up until the present, because what
Van Halen meant to a lot of people and myself in particular, was very
positive…….. I guess the best thing I can say is: Don't believe every
syllable of everything you read by everybody who wrote it. Go out and buy
those records and see if you can hear the truth in the music. That's my
recommendation. Some of those records you may have to buy twice-just in case
you want your best pal to listen in too so you can discuss it some more.
Dolemite, motherfucker!"
DLR in Amsterdam
promoting his Vassa, Finland Tour 99 show.
"Oh, great, spectacular. This the real deal, it is an official band. We
got desperate men in search of a desperate fortune, and it comes out in the
sound. You know, the guys have been rehersing like crazy! And I'm here to
cheerlead. I'm the prep comissioner, you know, zen and the art of mojo-madness.
We train...at the Mojo-Dojo!(laughs)"
"Here I am, 20 summers
later in a business where new artists last what; three and a half years? No,
no, no, I dont have time to say Hello in three and a half years!!"
When asked: "How much
has the new record sold in the States?" "Sold...you gotta
understand that now I own a record company and I make whatever the record
company makes...so...are you trying to hit me off for a dinner? 'Cause I'll
take your whole motherfuckin' country for a dinner on this one, babe!"
This year, we're going out on the "97 Tons of Fun Tour". And you're all invited. Just so you have an idea of the kinds of torques and pressures that take place on the road, the hidraulic cranes that are used to carry the equipment are powerful enough to throw a Cadillac for four city blocks. Lots of times, when I see a rock-n-roll show, I rather see 'em throw the Cadillac. This will be one instance where you get both. - DLR (1987)
Everyone's always criticizing the Van Halen crowd, you know. Fourteen, twelve, thirteen. And that's what I'm talkin' about, lowest common denominator. So don't flatter yourself baby, cause people ain't no smarter. And when you're up on stage, you CAN touch the person in the 83rd row; you can touch that person, almost with your gestures or your voice, you can touch them. And when you use the kind of words that go "kushsh", that's what makes an impact, man; that's rock-n-roll. But when you use the kind of words that go "woosh", you can forget it, man. And when you go to a Van Halen show, you're gonna hear words that go "kushsh". Cause the moment you start using words that go "woosh", you're gonna start hearing the kids say "Hey Gene, I wonder what's going on outside." "Yeah Ray, let's go get a hot dog."
David Lee Roth
Van Halen can deliver storm and thunder, Van Halen can go down to the beach with a torch in one hand and a sword in the other and still inflict a sense of humor. I call Van Halen's music an entire pre-tense - Big Rock. We're sort of a carnival/circus/gypsy/day care center. It's actually very festive.
David Lee Roth
The whole concept of Yankee Rose started when we were thinking what it would be like if the Statue of Liberty was a real gal. And you'd have a situation where me and the boys would be standing around in front of the liquor store (like we're always standing in front of the liquor store), and she would walk by, and we would be like, "Hey baby, you need a hot dog to go with that shake?" But that didn't sound very patriotic, see. So we had to tweak things around, tighten the screws a little. And so, what you have is sort of a heart-felt sort of patriotism. Actually, I meant it to be downright sexy - the Yankee Rose! - DLR (1987)
People are always coming up to me and asking me what I'm gonna do when I'm like 80 years old; and I think about it for a little while - not for too long. And I say, granted, when I turn 80, I think I'm gonna hang around with the kids, you know. I'll be sittin' on the rockin' chair, on the stoop, you know, and the kids'll come up to me, and go "Mr. Roth, Mr. Roth, tell us about when you wuz a rock-n-roll star!". And I'll have to act the part, cause I'm kinda dramatical. And I'll go, "Weeeeell, seems to me I don't really remember that, boys." And they'll go, "Yeah you do, yeah you do. Tell us about when you when on tour to Paris, France, and you fell in love with the blonde lady." And I'll go, "Weeeeell, seems to me I do remember something like that." And they'll go, "Yeah you do, yeah you do. You gotta picture of her in your pocket." And so, I'll reach into my pocket real slow, and I'll take out the photograph, and I'll go, "Yeah, I think it was Paris, France. I think it was 1987. Look at that booty!" - DLR (1987)
Dave commenting on the MTV podium while he was presenting an award at the MTV Music Awards (the podium was the MTV logo surrounded by all sorts of garbage & musical instruments): "Wow man, this looks like half an hour after a dinosaur ate the Count Basey band."
-- David Lee Roth
Dave being interviewed when VH was nominated for a Grammy: "Van Halen is up for a Grammy award, and half of us can't even spell it."
-- David Lee Roth
"Hippitty bip-bop-bop-boppin' down
in Glen Ellen Regional Park baby! That's right, Van Halen in Glen
Ellen - makes sense to me see! I'm talkin' a full moon, a sea of
faces, oceans of beer, have no fear! Heard ya missed me, I'm back!
Diamond is here."
"There's nobody who can take my place in that band. There may be one or two who will try and make the effort. Just as there will always be champions there will always only be one ALI. I'm the front in Van Halen and I always will be the front in Van
Halen." -- DLR 1997
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Classic Motown!: "I Glued My Balls to My Butthole"
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