Mezro asks "Why Are Sam and Al Afraid of Roth Fans?"
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MARCH 04, 2005
(A.P.) Hell, Mich. - Roth Army World Headquarters
If you have ever visited the Roth Army site odds are you think SammyHagar in Van Halen is a bad idea. A real bad idea. Diarrhea in a burlap sack (with a reptile bile chaser) on a hot summer day type of bad idea. Dry weave pudding on a scabies cracker type of bad idea. An umbilical cord and hymen sorbet (served fresh from a goat's anus) type of bad idea. The type of bad idea that makes testicles shrink, obese people mate and small farm animals do a swan dive into a moving brush hog. Van Hagar: perhaps the most horrific mutation that has ever clawed its way from the music industry mucosa.
But the Red Rocker thinks otherwise. Sam has claimed that his time in VH was worthy; the music they made together the stuff of legends. I beg to differ...and so do millions of Roth era fans. So I figured since Sam seems like the type of guy that would enjoy a spirited conversation, he would welcome the opportunity to defend his legacy. Will he sit down with a Roth fan for a one-on-one interview?
Let's ask him:
Mezro's Open Letter To Sam (sent to Sam's webmaster)
Hi Paula,
I'm Mezro, one of the Moderators over at the Roth Army site and I wanted to throw a rather intriguing idea your way (and ultimately to Sam).
As you know, David Lee Roth era fans dislike Sam's time with VH and find Van Hagar to be nothing more than a watered down version of a once truly classic band. I'm sure this bothers Sam (what musician doesn't have an ego) and I'm wondering if he would be willing to share his feelings with me? What I propose is a face-to-face interview between myself and Sam. I live in San Francisco so putting us together (in a location of his choice) would not be a problem.
This would be one of the most interesting interviews ever conducted, could be posted on both our sites and would surely gain some pretty amazing media coverage (I'm open to a joint press release). I view this as an opportunity for Sam to speak directly to Roth era fans (via the Roth Army site) and for Roth era fans to explain directly to Sam why we feel he is just fronting VH for a paycheck. But please be forewarned: Iwill not pull any punches and will not ask the normal, watered down, softball journalist type questions Sam is used to. I'd require at least an hour of Sam's time (but prefer 2 hours) and his willingness to not duck any of the issues. And, if he could bring Michael Anthony into the mix it would truly help clear the air of misconception about what really happened during his departure and the subsequent failed Roth reunion. I hope neither of them have a fragile ego or they may well be in for a shock.
I've read time and time again where Sam has emphatically stated that Van Hagar is the "real" version of VH and that he will debate or defend his position to anyone at anytime. OK. Hello Sam, I'm Mezro....care to debate?
Thanks for your time Paula and I'd appreciate if you could forward my message to Sam. Both myself and the 12,000 members of the Roth
Army await his response.
Best,
Mezro
As of this writing there has been no response from Paula or Sam. But fear not as I will be contacting his management, PR person and even the Cabo Wabo maintenance guy if necessary. My challenge will reach Sam's eyes and ears.
What about Alex?
Alex Van Halen - the great weasel dictator! A man best described as a gangly stork love child teetering between Mr. Spock and an Adam & Eve jelly dong. The man who has personally torpedoed every glimmer of hope that Roth fans have had since 1996. A man so evil that even a ceiling decided to fall on him - when inanimate objects attack that pretty much tells the tale.
There is so much bullshit surrounding Van Halen. So many questions fans want to have answered. Yet each time you read an interview with Al it is some smart ass swipe about David Lee Roth and a total disconnect about the success they had together. Is Alex Van Halen really delusional enough to believe they could have achieved icon status without Dave? Is he truly convinced that the sugar coated anal symphony created by Van Hagar some how surpasses that of classic VH?
Lets ask him:
Mezro's Open Letter to Alex Van Halen.
Hi Alex. I'm Mezro. I'm your fucking boss.
What's that? You don't have a boss? Check again, because myself and every fan that has ever spent a dime on Van Halen is your boss. Andwhen the boss speaks, you better pull that Cherone wax out of your ears and listen. We want Dave back and we don't want your fragile ego or misguided micromanagement to get
in the way of what the boss really wants!
Why do you fear David Lee Roth? Why do you run from the amazing legacy you created with him? Why is it that 4 grown men can't put aside their differences, split up money evenly and tour the planet like kings one more time? Regret is a fairly shitty thing - don't look back ten years from now regretting that you didn't give the fans what they really wanted...or deserved.
Start by turning over a new leaf, by making an honest connection with the fans, by reaching out and giving something back. Sit down with me and answer all the questions we've had for years. Don't dance around the fire bitch; step up and embrace it! And check that air of pretentiousness at the door (along with your neck brace) because I won't throw you a single softball question.
So what will it be Sir Alex? Care to come down from your tampon tower and engage in a real interview that you can't control?
Alex can reach me at a "special" email account I've set up just for him - iamnotapussymezro@yahoo.com
And now we wait. Will Sam answer the call when the bell is rung? Will Alex prove that he is human and does not run on fossil fuel enemas? Stay tuned because the Roth Army is going to ram it home final frontier style!
Mezro
3/04/05
Copyright ©2005 RothArmy.com in association with Mezro Testicular Cancer Awareness Project.
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Originally Posted by Seshmeister
