The Worst Pick Up Lines...That Actually Worked

[Sensible Shoes]

Those either look freakishly elongated, or my display settings are screwed up.

[Nitro Express]

"I'm Shy But I Have A Big Penis".

Look for the horny stare. Let her know and you will be cracking camel toe with Mr. Big in no time.

[Nitro Express]

We were put on this planet for one main reason. To fuck. Everything else is just filler.

[GAR]

"Did you know that the tastebuds sensing sweets are on the tip of the tongue?"

[ace diamond]

Shy? Ace?

Some reason I just can't see that. The guy who stands on stage alone & plays Wild Thing as if 65,000 people were cheering you on at Dodger Stadium......shy? I don't buy it. If you believe you were feeling shy, perhaps you hadn't had enough to drink yet.

I used to be shy with hot women. Now I look at them and try to determine if they are going to be worth half of my remaining shit.

the reason for my shyness has to do with having way too many female relatives that are the most cruel, mean, lying, cheating, conniving,
back-stabbing fucking bitches ever to walk this planet.
my older sister is the biggest reason.
she is still just utterly horrible.

thanks to the HUGHES women of the world, women are my single greatest fear in the universe.
i'm completely and deathly terrified of them.
women scare the fucking shit outta me.
maybe that is why i have a severe shyness.
i don't want to say anything because i just know it'll be used against me to make me as fucking miserable as humanly possible, and then some.

[Nitro Express]

Yeah but as long as you don't marry the bitch, she can't screw you. Just have a baseball bat handy in case she is a real psyco and needs to be put in her place.

[ace diamond]

Yeah but as long as you don't marry the bitch, she can't screw you. Just have a baseball bat handy in case she is a real psyco and needs to be put in her place.

you would think that, but these days who fucking knows........it's kinda anything goes.

just like the old days........they just have to point a finger at, say "he did it" after shedding a few fake tears.......and all hell breaks loose......just like the old days.....and it still even now doesn't matter if you did anything or not......

as for not getting screwed if i don't marry the bitch.........well, i don't believe in marriage to begin with, so there goes that one.......
but then again, these days you don't even have to screw the bitch first....hell, you don't even have to touch her.........

[GAR]

"I breed kitties, my mom and I do real swell at the spring Cat Show."

[Nitro Express]

you would think that, but these days who fucking knows........it's kinda anything goes.

just like the old days........they just have to point a finger at, say "he did it" after shedding a few fake tears.......and all hell breaks loose......just like the old days.....and it still even now doesn't matter if you did anything or not......

as for not getting screwed if i don't marry the bitch.........well, i don't believe in marriage to begin with, so there goes that one.......
but then again, these days you don't even have to screw the bitch first....hell, you don't even have to touch her.........

Maybe the solution to your problem is to move to Dubai. Fake tears and finger pointing from a woman doesn't fly in that part of the world.

[GAR]

I disagree, I had a drummer who used this "wounded warrior" ploy, he did alright..

Here's one to try out this weekend, I suspect it's got bulletproof doability:

"One man's junk is another man's garbage, right?"

[ace diamond]

I disagree, I had a drummer who used this "wounded warrior" ploy, he did alright..

Here's one to try out this weekend, I suspect it's got bulletproof doability:

"One man's junk is another man's garbage, right?"

dude, i don't play for that team. sorry about your luck.

you silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!

[ace diamond]

Maybe the solution to your problem is to move to Dubai. Fake tears and finger pointing from a woman doesn't fly in that part of the world.

very funny.........i know that is a very dangerous region of the planet, and i have no desire to ever go there.
dubai is a very dangerous place.
now, granted, i may be fucking crazy, but i ain't that fucking stupid!

[VAiN]

The best lays I ever had were the ones that just happened. I used to swim laps and girls would share my lane and one thing would lead to another and I got laid. Or I was walking home from class and a girl from class offers me a ride, one thing leads to another, she makes me a sandwich and we fuck. I love these kind of situations. You just go out to buy some apples at the grocery store and the next thing you know you are screwing a MILF who was reaching to the bag ties at the same time. It just makes me want to get out of bed every morning and see what's up in the world.

This is the winning attitude! Bravo, sir...

[Dan]

[GAR]

dude, i don't play for that team. sorry about your luck.

I'm talking about my drummer's luck - he made his connections by playing the pity card, some chicks feel empowered over a guy who seems damaged.

That way it gives them something do dwell on in the relationship besides doing the cooking and laundry: how they're gonna fix you. Ain't that great?

YEAH its dysfunctional, but he got laid, had a kid, had a marriage for a few years. Better to have loved than.. right?

Worked for Ringo too, didn't it - and you don't knock Ringo. He's been with Barbara Bach for the last 30 years, I'd say he kicked ass with the mopey act.