La Maggage

[Rikk]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Your internet JERKS!

Pshaw!

And you, young lady, are an internet CAD!

[Fabulous Shadow]

Originally posted by Rikk
FLAB: FLAB GUNT. I'm head patient of the Southern California Internet Mental Ward. My other personality here tells me you're looking for a good time.

PETE: Yes, indeed. If it's a fast cyber with no need to respect you.

FLAB: Fast cyber? You've never heard of the FLABBY GUNT?

PETE: Should I have?

FLAB: I'm the gunt that can make drunk losers that haven't gotten laid in months cumm within twelve seconds! I've outrun Rotharmy Webbies; not the local forum mods, mind you. I'm talking about the big Webbies that give out IP information. I'm fast enough for you and demand no respect, drunk man. What's the baggage?

PETE: Only alcoholism and bad songwriting. Myself, an imaginary boy in my head, two minutes, and no IMs posted later.

FLAB: What is it? Some kind of local trouble?

PETE: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Webbie entanglements after I was de-modded some months back.

FLAB: Well, that's the trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. Smelly gunt, all in your face.

PETE: Smelly gunt? I could get hard by just pulling my cock out and letting it fly in the wind!

FLAB: But who's going to touch it, kid! You?

Be careful Rikk... Pete may decide to post some of your old pm's

[Warham]

Some classic Gunt Wars material there.

[Golden AWe]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Like I said... I told one person and... FTR~ I would protect just about anyone from you guys. Your internet JERKS! Nothing to be proud of. Anyone can be an asshole.

ahahahahahha

have we collected material for the fbi, for three years?

do we contact internet providers?

do we make threats?

'nuff said!

[Golden AWe]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Be careful Rikk... Pete may decide to post some of your old pm's

why doesn't pete post with his own username?

[Rikk]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Be careful Rikk... Pete may decide to post some of your old pm's

Another threat?

I thought you don't tell anyone what to do?

You guys can post the same shit all you want. It won't change anything.

[Rikk]

INTERIOR: BRETT'S HOUSE.

BRETT: MAX...we have a visitor.

(The group hurries over to BRETT's window and hears a sucking sound coming from outside.)

BRETT: We've picked up something gigantic outside the base in zone twelve, moving east. Could be another fat black hole.

NICK: It's fat.

MAX: It could be a poster, one of ours.

NICK: No. Wait -- there's something very weak coming through.

(GUITAR SHARK steps up to the control panel and listens intently to the strange sucking noise.)

GUITAR SHARK: Sir, I am familiar with six million forms of pussy. This sound is not used by humanity as we know it. It could be FLAB's gunt.

(The sucking noise ends as the frightened party put on gasmasks.)

MAX: It isn't friendly, whatever it is. Come on, POOP BOY, let's check it out.

BRETT: Send paramedics armed with horse tranquilizers to station three-eight.

EXTERIOR: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA -- DAY

(The massive 750 lb. gunt moves past the smoldering ruins of her marriage and down a ridge toward the next music forum she's going to try and destroy. It raises a large pube from the top of its fatty base and begins to send out a piercing signal, fresh secretion from its latest encounter with PETE covering the lawn. The gunt has spotted POOP BOY who, not fifty feet away, is standing right next to her and staring at her over one of her piles of fat. Instantly, the gunt swings around, its deadly vaginal secreters ready to fire. But before it can get a squirt off, it is hit from behind by MAX's Utah shotgun, and explodes in a million giant chunks of fat and gunt. One of those chunks squares MAX and breaks two of his ribs. He falls forward, groaning, "Oh, stupid gunt!" MAX gets up his and peers intently at the smoldering remains of FLABULOUS SHADOW.)

INTERIOR: BRETT'S HOUSE.

(NICK and BRETT listen to MAX on the comlink.)

MAX: (over comlink) Afraid there's not much left.

NICK: (into comlink) What was it?

MAX: (over comlink) Gunt of some kind. Biggest fucking thing I ever saw. Said it was going to New York next to impersonate a 12-year-old, though the way it looked, it looked more likely to impersonate an aircraft carrier.

NICK: (into comlink) A fat hairy gunt.

MAX: (over comlink) It's a good bet Southern California's gonna experience a major earthquake.

BRETT: We'd better start the evacuation.

[Warham]

::cue John Williams score::

It is a period of Roth Army war. Fraudulent IM's, striking from a suspicious IP, have been posted against the cunning Sheep Pen Leader RIKK. During the battle, Roth Army mods managed to discover the real leader behind the attack, FLAB, a sprawling mass of flesh with enough pussy stank to destroy an entire planet. PETE, FLAB's drunk agent, races home to log in, hopeful to score some cyber from the gunt and chug down a 40 ouncer...

[Fabulous Shadow]

Funny, not only is GS out of the thread, but he has logged off.

[Rikk]

Originally posted by Warham
::cue John Williams score::

It is a period of Roth Army war. Fraudulent IM's, striking from a suspicious IP, have been posted against the cunning Sheep Pen Leader RIKK. During the battle, Roth Army mods managed to discover the real leader behind the attack, FLAB, a sprawling mass of flesh with enough pussy stank to destroy an entire planet. PETE, FLAB's drunk agent, races home to log in, hopeful to score some cyber from the gunt and chug down a 40 ouncer...

LMFAO!:p

[Rikk]

Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow
Funny, not only is GS out of the thread, but he has logged off.

Did you threaten him, Lisa? Is this your pathetic way of bragging?

[Rikk]

PETE: Look, I'm sure it's delicious. I just don't understand why I can't skip chowing down on your gunt and just fuck you.

FLAB: Patience! For the strong-stomached, it is time to eat as well. Eat, eat. Hot. Good food, hm? Good, hmm?

(Moving with ease in the gigantic gunt, PETE sits down on a pubic hair and serves himself from a puddle of secretion. Tasting the unfamiliar concoction, he is pleasantly surprised.)

PETE: How far away is the left side of your body? Will it take me long to get there?

FLAB: Very far. Left side very far. Patience. Soon you will be there, 3 miles away. (tasting her own gunt) Syphillus, I have. Why wish you become mod again? Hm?

PETE: Mostly because of RIKK, I guess. I want to prove to him that I'm a better man.

FLAB: Ah, RIKK. Powerful cyber-lover was he, powerful cyber-lover, mmm.

PETE: (a little hurt) Oh, come on. How could you say that about RIKK? You don't even know what I have to offer. (fed up, spits out secretion) Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here. We're wasting our time.

(The fat creature turns away from PETE and speaks to a third party...its anus.)

FLAB: (irritated) I cannot fuck him. The loser has no patience.

(PETE's head spins in the direction the creature's left cheek faces. But there is no one there...only a giant, gaping vacuum that could suck in a tall building and ask for seconds before defacating a shopping mall. PETE is bewildered, but it gradually dawns on him that his dick is tiny and that he is speaking to his next big chance: FLAB's anus.)

GIANT ANUS: He will learn patience. Bring him to me.

FLAB: (speaking to her own anus) Fuck that. Hmmm. Much anger in him, like the Webbie that canned his pathetic ass.

GIANT ANUS: Was I any different when you first shoved three boy scouts in my cavity?

FLAB: Hah. He is not ready.

PETE: Gunt! I am ready. I...Anus! I can fuck you both and eat out my sloppy seconds. Anus, tell him I'm ready.

FLAB: Ready, are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I stunk worse than a stadium full of rotten manure. My own counsel will I keep on who is to shove a one-inch dick in my dillhole! A loser or cyber-partner must have the deepest commitment, the most deranged mind. (to the massive anus, indicating PETE) This one a long time have I watched, though it was hard seeing this one since this one is only two feet tall and I can't see anything over my gigantic 72nd fold of fat. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Because he was always drunk. One-inch cock fucking. Heh! Gizzing inside a black hole huger than Asia and Europe put together. Heh! A mod craves not these things. (turning to PETE) You are dickless!

(PETE looks down. He knows it is true.)

ANUS: So was I, if you'll remember. I crushed those boyscouts into brown mucus before releasing them from my fudge tunnel.

FLAB: He is too old. Yes, way way way way way way way way way way way way way too old and drunk and stoned to begin the gunt-penetrating. Plus, he'll probably tell me within minutes that he loves me.

PETE: But I haven't had a drink in two hours, just for this!

FLAB: (sighs) Will he finished what he begins? Even with the smell the way it is?

PETE: I won't fail you -- I know it stinks, but I'm not afraid.

FLAB: (turns slowly toward him, looks down, pulls out a gasmask and slowly opens its legs again) Oh, you will be. You will be.

(PETE begins to get dizzy and collapses.)

[Sarge's Little Helper]

PETE: Look, I'm sure it's delicious. I just don't understand why I can't skip chowing down on your gunt and just fuck you.

FLAB: Patience! For the strong-stomached, it is time to eat as well. Eat, eat. Hot. Good food, hm? Good, hmm?

(Moving with ease in the gigantic gunt, PETE sits down on a pubic hair and serves himself from a puddle of secretion. Tasting the unfamiliar concoction, he is pleasantly surprised.)

PETE: How far away is the left side of your body? Will it take me long to get there?

FLAB: Very far. Left side very far. Patience. Soon you will be there, 3 miles away. (tasting her own gunt) Syphillus, I have. Why wish you become mod again? Hm?

PETE: Mostly because of RIKK, I guess. I want to prove to him that I'm a better man.

FLAB: Ah, RIKK. Powerful cyber-lover was he, powerful cyber-lover, mmm.

PETE: (a little hurt) Oh, come on. How could you say that about RIKK? You don't even know what I have to offer. (fed up, spits out secretion) Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here. We're wasting our time.

(The fat creature turns away from PETE and speaks to a third party...its anus.)

FLAB: (irritated) I cannot fuck him. The loser has no patience.

(PETE's head spins in the direction the creature's left cheek faces. But there is no one there...only a giant, gaping vacuum that could suck in a tall building and ask for seconds before defacating a shopping mall. PETE is bewildered, but it gradually dawns on him that his dick is tiny and that he is speaking to his next big chance: FLAB's anus.)

GIANT ANUS: He will learn patience. Bring him to me.

FLAB: (speaking to her own anus) Fuck that. Hmmm. Much anger in him, like the Webbie that canned his pathetic ass.

GIANT ANUS: Was I any different when you first shoved three boy scouts in my cavity?

FLAB: Hah. He is not ready.

PETE: Gunt! I am ready. I...Anus! I can fuck you both and eat out my sloppy seconds. Anus, tell him I'm ready.

FLAB: Ready, are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I stunk worse than a stadium full of rotten manure. My own counsel will I keep on who is to shove a one-inch dick in my dillhole! A loser or cyber-partner must have the deepest commitment, the most deranged mind. (to the massive anus, indicating PETE) This one a long time have I watched, though it was hard seeing this one since this one is only two feet tall and I can't see anything over my gigantic 72nd fold of fat. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Because he was always drunk. One-inch cock fucking. Heh! Gizzing inside a black hole huger than Asia and Europe put together. Heh! A mod craves not these things. (turning to PETE) You are dickless!

(PETE looks down. He knows it is true.)

ANUS: So was I, if you'll remember. I crushed those boyscouts into brown mucus before releasing them from my fudge tunnel.

FLAB: He is too old. Yes, way way way way way way way way way way way way way too old and drunk and stoned to begin the gunt-penetrating. Plus, he'll probably tell me within minutes that he loves me.

PETE: But I haven't had a drink in two hours, just for this!

FLAB: (sighs) Will he finished what he begins? Even with the smell the way it is?

PETE: I won't fail you -- I know it stinks, but I'm not afraid.

FLAB: (turns slowly toward him, looks down, pulls out a gasmask and slowly opens its legs again) Oh, you will be. You will be.

(PETE begins to get dizzy and collapses.)

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[Warham]

RIKK: FLAB, I should have expected to find you holding PETE's leash. I recognized your GUNT's foul stench when I was brought on board.
FLAB: Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to edit your IM's.
RIKK: I'm not suprised you were deranged enough to do it.
FLAB: RIKK, before you are exposed to the Army, you will join me at a cyber sex ceremony that will make this GUNT fully operational. No Sheep Pen admin will dare oppose me now.
RIKK: The more you try to stick that smelly GUNT in their face, FLAB, the more Sheep Pen admins will pinch their nostrils with their fingers.

[Fabulous Shadow]

Originally posted by Rikk
INTERIOR: BRETT'S HOUSE.

BRETT: MAX...we have a visitor.

(The group hurries over to BRETT's window and hears a sucking sound coming from outside.)

BRETT: We've picked up something gigantic outside the base in zone twelve, moving east. Could be another fat black hole.

NICK: It's fat.

MAX: It could be a poster, one of ours.

NICK: No. Wait -- there's something very weak coming through.

(GUITAR SHARK steps up to the control panel and listens intently to the strange sucking noise.)

GUITAR SHARK: Sir, I am familiar with six million forms of pussy. This sound is not used by humanity as we know it. It could be FLAB's gunt.

(The sucking noise ends as the frightened party put on gasmasks.)

MAX: It isn't friendly, whatever it is. Come on, POOP BOY, let's check it out.

BRETT: Send paramedics armed with horse tranquilizers to station three-eight.

EXTERIOR: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA -- DAY

(The massive 750 lb. gunt moves past the smoldering ruins of her marriage and down a ridge toward the next music forum she's going to try and destroy. It raises a large pube from the top of its fatty base and begins to send out a piercing signal, fresh secretion from its latest encounter with PETE covering the lawn. The gunt has spotted POOP BOY who, not fifty feet away, is standing right next to her and staring at her over one of her piles of fat. Instantly, the gunt swings around, its deadly vaginal secreters ready to fire. But before it can get a squirt off, it is hit from behind by MAX's Utah shotgun, and explodes in a million giant chunks of fat and gunt. One of those chunks squares MAX and breaks two of his ribs. He falls forward, groaning, "Oh, stupid gunt!" MAX gets up his and peers intently at the smoldering remains of FLABULOUS SHADOW.)

INTERIOR: BRETT'S HOUSE.

(NICK and BRETT listen to MAX on the comlink.)

MAX: (over comlink) Afraid there's not much left.

NICK: (into comlink) What was it?

MAX: (over comlink) Gunt of some kind. Biggest fucking thing I ever saw. Said it was going to New York next to impersonate a 12-year-old, though the way it looked, it looked more likely to impersonate an aircraft carrier.

NICK: (into comlink) A fat hairy gunt.

MAX: (over comlink) It's a good bet Southern California's gonna experience a major earthquake.

BRETT: We'd better start the evacuation.

Rikk... You have WAYYYYYY to much time on your hands. How sad. BUT you're happy right!