The Sheep Pen

[bueno bob]

I just thought of something...

We need new help...so we've got Ed, Carl, Merle, the Doc, and Wilford running things...maybe we need somebody...more dynamic?

Does anybody have Bruce Campbell's phone number? I think we oughta offer him a job...

[bueno bob]

Hail to the King, baby!

[Rikk]

Originally posted by Matt White
Did you see Bolan's kid on VH1 RIKK?!?!

Kinda scary.

Not so much as the pics I've seen of PAUL KOSSOFF's son on the FREE website. Looks like a clone of the old man!

Unfortunately I don't get VH-1. Some good shows on it, I hear.

But I am looking forward to the new DTS Audio DVD reissue of the T-REX BORN TO BOOGIE movie...comin' out in May. 2 discs!

[Rikk]

Originally posted by MAX
All Hail to The Mighty Snake Plissken!!!

Indeed. John Carpenter is probably my favorite film director.

[Matt White]

AHHHhhh!!! Mutton on EASTER! "What a world...".

[Rikk]

* * * * * SHEEP PEN ANNOUNCEMENT * * * * *

We here at the SHEEP PEN would like to thank eachother for being so tough and so great and kicking so much ass and beating sheeps down and thinking we're so cool and looking like clowns...and we'd also like to introduce another member into our ever-growing gang.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the latest member of the PEN...

ACADEMIC PUNK

Now PUNK has been around for a little while and has been batting so much clean-up in our wars to keep our own egos afloat that he just cannot be ignored. We're talking a guy that is such a fucking bleeding asshole, BILL LUMBERGH was looking for him just the other night to ask if he could fuck him again for seconds.

Yes, the Pen is ever-growing (sort of like when there are thin, blonde, small-titted women about RIKK).

I would like to take a moment to describe my ever-growing staff.

And now let's list the members of the SHEEP PEN.


RIKK

RIKK is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. His friendliness knows no bounds. His caring and brush-off nature is legendary in these parts. Well-respected and highly-intellectual poster FABULOUS SHADOW once called him: "Maybe the nicest person I've ever come across on the internet." Super-intelligent and well-liked Richard Gere-impersonator GUWAPO ROCKER calls RIKK: "Maybe my best friend in real life. I can't believe how well we've always gotten along. He is so great, it just makes me so happy thinking about how good we've been for each other. Just a fantastic human being that I can't envision anyone having a problem with. Too bad he's straight and I'm so gay." RIKK currently resides in Iwo Jima and enjoys Sugar-Free Rice Krispie Treats. Word is, ladies, that he looks just like ROBERT DOWNEY JR. He is a Priest of the Church of ALAN THE PANTHER, the greatest of all the panthers.



MATT WHITE

MATT WHITE is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He began swimming when he was seventeen and is currently a world class swimmer and athlete. He is also the inventer of the two-second handjob and has killed four people with a hammer. His other PEN members praise him...BILL LUMBERGH: "When I think of MATT WHITE, I think of how much one person can hate another sorry sack of shit." BUENO BOB: "MATT is so fucking argumentative that it makes me so angry. I get so mad I want to hit him with a pool cue until he's dead and then hit him some more. I need fruit roll-ups." MATT currently resides on SHANNON DOHERTY's front lawn and is hoping to "tell her off" for quitting SCARE TACTICS when she was at her career peak.



BILL LUMBERGH

BILL LUMBERGH is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is unique among the SHEEP PEN Administration Staff in that he is the only open homosexual. BILL: "I love being gay. I feel so strong being with another man that it inspires me to go out and buy bagels. I love water sports." BILL began collecting GEORGE MICHAEL memorabilia in the mid-80s and followed GEORGE's early concert career from arena to arena as a Whamhead. MAX: "I hate BILL LUMBERGH. There are sorry sons of bitches, and then there's BILL. When he tries to convince me that GEORGE MICHAEL has even half the talent BOY GEORGE has, I want to vomit up the secretions of the three wives I ate out last night." BILL currently resides in Dover, Delaware and is looking for work for the next three months until MICHAEL-ATHON 2005 this summer, after which he expects to spend the Fall in jail for jumping on George during his Q&A session at the Delaware convention.



NICK D FRESH

NICK D FRESH is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is a trouble-making buffoon that only joined the SHEEP PEN because RIKK was intending to PM the well-respected poster DIAMOND DEN to offer him the gig but he sent the PM to NICK instead. NICK is not very intelligent and he didn't understand why the PM was addressed to DIAMOND D. He assumed that the "DIAMOND D" greeting was RIKK's playful way of substituting the word "DIAMOND" for "NICK", which people would only do if discussing the jewel-like qualities of the music of NICK CARTER. NICK repsonded enthusiastically with the following PM to RIKK: "Fuck yes! I have nothing else in my life to look forward to. It's so empty and black. In fact, I was about to kill myself until you offered me this job, RIKK." RIKK took pity on this pool fool and gave him the job, though what he does around here, we don't know. Recently, he's been trying to take credit for ousting LOU from the Army when everyone knows that ferocious poster CARMINE RAGUZZA deserves this honor. NICK currently resides in Peking and eats two gerbils a day.



BUENO BOB

BUENO BOB is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. GARY COLEMAN once said of him: "Dat mudda is fat! So fukkin' fat!!" ALAN THICKE agrees: "The Army is a great place. But BUENO BOB is the greatest thing about it. Without him, the place would be shit." "I consider myself a sexual man," BOB says. "My sexual prowess knows no bounds. I wake up in the morning and play with my lightsaber. Then, while I'm showering (every four mornings), I close my eyes, use the 'force', and play with my lightsaber again. I like watching recent films with cinema greats like KIRK CAMERON or TRACEY GOLD, and then I begin to play with my lightsaber. It goes on for hours...the perfect circle. Who's scruffy looking? Not this piece of Sith." MAX once said of BUENO BOB: "I hate BUENO BOB. There are sorry sons of bitches, and then there's BOB." BOB has many hates in his life. One is STAR WARS and the other is sheep. But he joined the SHEEP PEN because he thought we like to make fun of real farm sheep...you know, the kind with real wool and everything. BOB's IQ was last reported at 68. He currently resides in JAKE'S DINER out on ROUTE 64 by GRAHAM'S WORMS AND AMMO.



POOP BOY

TJVHOU812 is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. Known to his friends and many lovers as POOP BOY, he joined the Army in the summer and was actually a SHEEP OF THE WEEK. His incessant love of all things SAMMY HAGAR, plus his knows-no-bounds stupidity made him a quick target of RIKK and his friends' "pick on the smaller person" level of fighting. RIKK: "I like to pick on people I can beat because that's the kind of integrity I possess. I also like kicking people when they're down." For some reason, the PEN gang realized that POOP BOY was really one of them, and (demonstrating their insanity) they decided to have him join the Administration Staff. NICK: "POOP BOY joining the Pen was probably the greatest day of my life." DLR7884: "When I joined the Pen, POOP BOY was there to greet me with open arms. It was so fucking gay and annoying that I hit him until he bled and was crying. Then I hit him again and again until he stopped making any noise. And then I hit him some more. I hate him." POOP BOY says of his Pen status: "Being in the PEN is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. It is so great that sometimes at night, I just can't believe my luck. My life is complete, and it's all because of the SHEEP PEN. Wow...I am just so happy, I can tell you." POOP BOY currently resides in Nashville and is working on his second album, I Think I'll Get Drunk and Then Go Home and Hit Her.



DLR7884

DLR7884 is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is also the picture of non-judgmental, calm and loving behavior. "I am at one with the world. My karma is with the Lord, and I cannot accept that there is not good in every single soul I come across. I like to look for the good in everybody. If someone insults me, I say, 'Hey, let's work this out, brother.' I love you like I love all my brothers around the world." Ever since joining the Pen, he has had major issues with the way Pen staff get involved in fights at every step of the way. His avatar speaks peace, and he has wanted RIKK to know that fighting is not the way to solve the ARMY's problems. DLR7884: "I can't believe how much fighting goes on. And I want no part of it. I'm here to help people." DLR7884 resides in Detroit where he leads an idyllic country life.



And finally, our latest addition...

ACADEMIC PUNK

ACADEMIC PUNK is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. His joining the SHEEP PEN was a natural step because the coolest posters need some place to congregate and be cool and pretend they're bigger than they really are in real life. ACADEMIC PUNK: "I'm a loser in real life. I've never worked. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm a virgin (sound familiar). I live at home and can't even read very well. My family hates me and I hate myself. Basically, I'm exactly like RIKK. He is such a fucking loser. So is POOP BOY. So is NICK. So is MATT. So is BILL. So is 7884. So is BOB. They're all losers. RIKK asked me to join because he said having a Pen and fighting with other internet losers brings about the kind of mental stability and ego-stabilization that I could afford if I were employed and had a good health plan and were literate. I'm so thankful for the opportunity." BILL has called ACADEMIC PUNK "maybe the greatest friend of my life." ACADEMIC PUNK currently resides at home where he has learned to read the names of the games on the display covers of his older brother Leon's Playstation Games.



WELCOME ABOARD, AP!!!

[Matt White]

ACADEMIC PUNK

WELCOME!

A "STELLAR" addition to the PEN ADMNS!

I'm buying at the tavern!

[tjvhou812]

if your buyin, i'm there

[MAX]

LMAO!!!

Friggin' Classic shit right there Rikk I say!!!

:D

[Rikk]

Originally posted by MAX
LMAO!!!

Friggin' Classic shit right there Rikk I say!!!

:D

Thank you, MAX!! I guess you can see that your quotes about BILL LUMBERGH came in useful.

[MAX]

Well, somebody can shoot me if Bill likes George Michael more than me. I didn't spend a night in County for nothing. lol.

[bueno bob]

Welcome to the shithouse, AP!!!

[Bill Lumbergh]

Originally posted by MAX
Well, somebody can shoot me if Bill likes George Michael more than me. I didn't spend a night in County for nothing. lol.

Hey, I'm the one that FOUND that fucking men's room!

[Bill Lumbergh]

Classic post Rikk. But I'm wondering why you didnt mention Max's herpe scare from a few years back? My money is STILL on Nick giving it to Max, that fucker has the scariest looking pus filled shit coming out of his mouth 24 hours a day. Or IS that pus?

[Rikk]

Actually, that's NOT puss. Ever notice that every time MAX comes over to visit the Pen and "reminisce" (as he calls it), he and NICK always seem to need to take a leak at the same time? And then ever notice that they leave the washroom at the same time looking kinda tired? And ever notice how gooey that "puss" around Nick's mouth actually is?

This has been a real concern. MAX got drunk once while visiting and raped three of the sheep!! ROBOANUS has cold sores now, and I know that they came from MAX's special blend of Utah herpes.