The Heterosexuality Questionare

[Seshmeister]

Gay is the way!

I wish I was gay so I didn't need to deal with womrns's fucking hormones and nagging.

[Seshmeister]

45 minutes of misery each week getting fucked in the ass.

Can it really be that bad?

What if you found an old rich gay guy that couldn't get it up.

Money plus no nagging. It's worth thinking about.

[DaveIsKing]

Sounds like you have weiner fever, Sesh. Or had you rather be the assmaster?

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Seshmeister
Gay is the way!

I wish I was gay so I didn't need to deal with womrns's fucking hormones and nagging.

You're right Sesh! All I ever have are young college girls saying things like, "Wow Nick, that hurt so good...Can we do this again...No, I can't stop calling you Nick, you were sooo good last night! I can't believe you took care of BOTH me AND my friend..."

What a drag man! Maybe guys would leave me alone afterword!:D

[DaveIsKing]

Go for it, Nick.

You're obviously a viable candidate.

[Kristy]

I only have one question:

1. When did you first think that FORD was a loser for tyring to be so irreverent?

[The Lord]

Ford's always been a loser.

[FORD]

And as long as idiots from Sisterfuck GA think so, I know I'm doing my job

[The Lord]

Really, I love Ford. I just wish he wouldn't try to impersonate me.

[FORD]

If I believed for one minute that you were God, I'd be making an appointment with Satan to sell my soul, because I have a hard time praying to assholes who change aliases just so they can fuck with me

[The Lord]

Ford, I am the Lord. I am sexless. Remember? I can't fuck with you, sweetheart.

[The Lord]

Re: The Heterosexuality Questionare

Originally posted by FORD
This is the "heterosexuality questionaire" created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. It is frequently used in speaking engagements and sensitivity training by gay groups to illustrate how gay people feel when asked certain questions by a sometimes hostile straight audience. When you read these questions, keep in mind that as exaggerated as they sound, these are exact reversals of what gays are often asked. They are designed to make you think.....

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
I did.

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
I determined this to be the way to procreate to sustain life for human beings.

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? Only if they pervert my true way.

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex? No, as I said earlier, I did it purposely.

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
I, personally, don't need a lover. I am a lover of all. But, perversion of my true plan is not a "need" or cure.

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?
Because, finally they see the error of their ways and came back to the original plan. No fear involved except of possible disease.

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?
Well, only those who pervert my way do that.

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?
Because more people are heterosexual (aka normal). Duh.

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
I am the Lord, I don't have those "tendencies".

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?
No one forces you to procreate, Ford. But, if you want to have sex the proper way I created it, you will find a female not another man's assh--er...another man.

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?
Yes. That's is how we get children in the first place.

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
See the same answer for question #8. And no, that's a fallacy.

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
Sex should be personal, Ford. But, without procreative sex you wouldn't exist. A colony of all-queer would die out because they could not sustain themselves. It's against my will. Period.

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?
My way is just the way it IS. Accept normality, Ford. If you want to pervert my way, you have the freedom to do so, but you will face the consequences. Either here on earth with disease, or in the netherworld.

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?
Marriage is healthy. People are unified in my name. Divorce is unhealthy. Queerism is unhealthy. Dogfucking..er...bestialty is unhealthy. Monogamy is healthy (in and of itself).

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?
I created it as such. A man for a woman and vice-versa.

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
Because, procreation is a form of self-perservation which is the highest law, my son.

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
It's sin, I'm afraid. Sin...much like queerism.

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?
My will be done, Ford. I am in control. Don't go into hysterics. Remember, it has been this way since the beginning of time. Only a few perverts have challenged nature. Most die from disease. Nature's awful retribution.

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
No, because that would be contrary to my creation and my will. It is sin.


21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or antisocial types are heterosexual.Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?
Sex shouldn't be an issue in this case, Ford.

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?
No, Ford. I am afraid it's more than that silly notion.

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?
Well, mostly the perverts (including queerism) are MORE prone to fooling around. But, sex is natural. IF it is used the proper way. My way.

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?
I don't think sex should be a factor here, Ford.

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
I am afraid that if a counselor could make someone a heterosexual, then that person must've been a pervert before and the therapist lead him back to me.

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by DaveIsKing
Go for it, Nick.

You're obviously a viable candidate.

Trying to "covert" me Dave?:p