The Government Is Cracking Down on School Bake Sales

[FORD]

My mom told me this story. There was this motel ran by the mob on I-84. They were running a whorehouse in the joint. There was this lady who was in my moms church quilting group. Everyone thought she was this conservative church going type. Anyways her husband bought a trick at the motel and when he met the trick for the night it was his wife. No shit. I don't know if she needed extra money or if she was living some sort of fantasy. Who knows. Can you imagine? LOL!

I hope she at least took the Holy Underwear off while she was "working". Those things are frighteningly ugly, especially to non-Mormons who have never seen them before.

Where was this motel at? I stayed in a really odd motel off of I-84 once. Didn't see any hookers there, but I swear the room I slept in was a converted broom closet. I was too tired to give a shit by then, and back on the road at sunrise anyway......

[Kristy]

Well I thought it was funny. I had to Google "Classic porn titles." So...

[DONNIEP]

Well I thought it was funny. I had to Google "Classic porn titles." So...

That makes me want to bring back my old avatar...

[vandeleur]

Well I thought it was funny. I had to Google "Classic porn titles." So...

It was funny chill, you are so demanding

[Kristy]

Comes from all those years riding the short bus.

[Nitro Express]

I hope she at least took the Holy Underwear off while she was "working". Those things are frighteningly ugly, especially to non-Mormons who have never seen them before.

Where was this motel at? I stayed in a really odd motel off of I-84 once. Didn't see any hookers there, but I swear the room I slept in was a converted broom closet. I was too tired to give a shit by then, and back on the road at sunrise anyway......

It was in Burley, Idaho. The place was called The Ponderossa. What's funny is another member of our church was an FBI Agent. He would mostly tail Russian agents when they came into the country. We were halfway between the Idaho Nuclear Engineering Laboratory and Hanford. The US Navy had it's nuclear propulsion laboratory at the Idaho facility and the Ruskies took a particular interest in that.

Anyways he was in charge of busting The Ponderossa. He said the head mob guy married the madam so she couldn't testify against him. He said justice was done because she was the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

I used to go on fishing and hunting trips with the guy. He wanted me to ride up with him to check on his cabin. He was old and starting to lose it. We are going in his car and he's loading like big rolls of rope and there are shovels and all this equipment in the trunk of his Crown Vic. He's going over a checklist and there's Federal Bureau of Investigation on the letter head. He's following an old FBI checklist. The more we drove the more I saw he thought he was still in the Bureau. LOL! He had this taxidermed cougar he was especially proud of because he took it with his service pistol. I was asking about the pistol and he pulled it out of a holster behind his back. He was packing and I didn't even know it. It was a snub Smith & Wesson 357. Old school.

All I know is we were ready for anything. There was more shit packed in that trunk than I ever thought you could cram into a Crown Vic trunk.

[Nitro Express]

The holy underwear keeps getting smaller. The thing is a church has to change with the times or it loses members. People just didn't want to wear long johns anymore. I'm waiting for the day they have holy temple G Strings.

I mean they keep changing the temple ceremony. It used to be incredibly sexist. Women were pretty much property of their husbands and they made fun of Catholic priests. Oh and you swore masonic death oaths. That's all gone.

The day they have a black apostle is when they have the holy G stings. The day they have an openly gay apostle is the day hell freezes over.

The best way to describe Mormonism is it's bastardized free masonry. Take some american prodestantism, mix in some Swedenborgism, mix in some free masonry and some creative license from Joseph Smith and walla. Mormonism.

[DONNIEP]

you swore masonic death oaths

I don't even know what this means but sign me up!!

[Nitro Express]

wankershire

wankershire sauce

[ELVIS]

And of course I immediately start hitting on her...

Did you learn that behavior in church ??

[Nitro Express]

I don't even know what this means but sign me up!!

You would love it. It's called The Endowment Ceremony and it's super secret. You even get a new name that is your temple name. You dress in white and wear this cool pleated robe that looks like a toga and this funky hat that has a string you tie to a special loop on the toga. Then you wear an apron like a mason but it's not a masonic apron it's like green fig leaves. Ha! ha! It's totally asinine.

Ok so you get these signs and tokens which are secret hand shakes that mean different things and you have to memorize them to get into the holy of hollies of the temple. There are four secret handshakes and when you are shown them you swear a death oath that you will never divulge them. One penalty is having your tongue ripped out by its roots. The other one your throat is slit. The third one your are disembowled and I forgot the fourth one.

Anyways all this super secret stuff is on the internet and anyone interested now knows so so much for secrecy.

[vandeleur]

Not sure we have mormans over here ? Are they called something else ??

[vandeleur]

You have very serious religion over there , we have tea and biscuits religion .

[DONNIEP]

Did you learn that behavior in church ??

I'm single and the sea hag didn't have a wedding band on.

[Nitro Express]

Not sure we have mormans over here ? Are they called something else ??

The official name of the church is: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Great Britain was one of the first countries proselyted so you have had Mormons over there since the 1830's or 1840's. Most of the foreign converts who migrated to the US came out of Great Britain or Scandinavia. That's why there are a lot of tall blondes in Utah. There are a lot of Scandinavians there. There is a temple in London. I think there is one or more others in the UK. There is a chapel in the Hyde Park area of London.