New Eddie Van Halen Interview

[Quote Master]

Originally posted by ZahZoo
the fact that some demented bastard was actually willing to father them...

Your Dad living that double life, sure has had its advantages!!! Where is Dad anyway? Been trying to get in touch with him all day!!!

[David Lee Roth]

Originally posted by ZahZoo
Actually inter27 it's good thing having people like quote master and one voice around here... they are a testiment to the overwhelming power of the human sex drive which was demonstrated by the fact that some demented bastard was actually willing to father them...

You have less value than the contents of a slop bucket in an enema clinic. Do your keepers a huge favor: go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there, you disgusting humper of dog butt.

[David Lee Roth]

Originally posted by MAX
I think not my old friend. VH LINKS SUX COX has potential and my respect but QM and OV know absolutely nothing. They make a box of rocks look like a Rhode's Scholar. I'll bet money neither one has ever had a stellar blowjob (blowing each other doesn't count!) in their life. That is why they are sooooooo fucking angry.

It's due time for you "guys" to switch your breakfast from your daily bowl of Fruit Loops to someting more manly. In either of your cases I would suggest the poached salmon cos I don't think either of you dipshits could handle steak and eggs!

You are nothing more than the Down Syndrome result of the escaped lunatic's sperm that fertilized your sister's rectum, Clown. Do your keepers a huge favor: go find a hungry lion and tickle its tonsils with your tongue, you unicycle-pedalling blubberhead in floppy clown shoes.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by David Lee Roth
You have less value than the contents of a slop bucket in an enema clinic. Do your keepers a huge favor: go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there, you disgusting humper of dog butt.

I think I'm going to like it here.


Dave, why don't you run f4r Prez? Set this fucking CUNTry strate! I'd support you, dude.

True dat.


Phil the Stalker

[Tony Soprano]

Originally posted by ZahZoo
Actually inter27 it's good thing having people like quote master and one voice around here... they are a testiment to the overwhelming power of the human sex drive which was demonstrated by the fact that some demented bastard was actually willing to father them...

What a putrid waste of a puny penis you are! You should face legal action for your attempt to impersonate a man, you ridiculous little mascara face-painted Jerk-In-The-Box. You couldn't get a date if you bought them dried in a tin, you under-medicated, rump-ruptured chronic self-abuser. You're the kind of greasy, giggling, girly gombeen who buys STDs from a viral lab just to make it look like you get laid. You're damn right about being vomit-inducing fugly. You have a face that would give Freddie Kruger nightmares. How much would you change to haunt a house? You should stop smoking pot and get out and vote every couple of years, you pseudo-liberal bum. People like you are the reason cults exist. If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to run a piss ant's go-kart around the inside of a donut, you slivering spawn from a hemorrhoidal leper's rectum. Like your height, everything about you is average; except your stench - which is overwhelming. Your weight may well be proportional, but you've got cellulite that makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic. Get a job, you goddamn leach! You're as useful as anti-wrinkle cream in a lepor colony, you clodhopping simpleton. I love that suit you're wearing. You never throw anything away, do you? Try this maneuver: Take 50-60 paces backwards. Take several deep breaths. Sprint forward at full speed. Do a triple summersault through the air, and disappear up your own asshole.

[ZahZoo]

Originally posted by David Lee Roth
you disgusting humper of dog butt.

Oh ouch ouch ouch... that's a harsh jab there rumpswab!!!! Your sharp wit couldn't cut butter in the Pheonix sun in July...

Look nutsack you're a disgrace to the screen name you are pretending to be... how about you pretend to be intelligent and quit insulting Dave and his fans by using his name to further your psychosis..?

I see you kids are bringing in all your alias posers too and that fucking strunz Soprano... appears we got most of the peanut gallery and tampon brigade chiming in... too bad the whole lot of you couldn't create a beer fart in a whirlwind... but I do appreciate all the attention you losers are giving me!!!

[Tony Soprano]

Originally posted by ZahZoo
Oh ouch ouch ouch... that's a harsh jab there rumpswab!!!! Your sharp wit couldn't cut butter in the Pheonix sun in July...

Look nutsack you're a disgrace to the screen name you are pretending to be... how about you pretend to be intelligent and quit insulting Dave and his fans by using his name to further your psychosis..?

I see you kids are bringing in all your alias posers too and that fucking strunz Soprano... appears we got most of the peanut gallery and tampon brigade chiming in... too bad the whole lot of you couldn't create a beer fart in a whirlwind... but I do appreciate all the attention you losers are giving me!!!

Sure thing Stugatz!

You're worth less than the energy expended to calculate your worth. If there was a God, you'd paint crosshairs on your forehead and walk across a rifle firing range, you unintelligible poppycock-peddler.

You are nothing more than the words used to dismiss you. Do your keepers a huge favor: play Russian Roulette with a full chamber, you sufferer of cerebral kaput syndrome.

Your value doesn't even amount to the cunt hairs that fall off my grandmother. Brighten the lives of your long-suffering parents: kiss the front of a speeding train, you rectal rim-polishing runt with a patented Twist N' Tuck tongue technique.

And one last thing,
Your value here on the new and improved Army doesn't even amount to a shovel full of horse shit. Do the world a favor: kiss the front of a speeding train, you chromozone-botched bobblehead. You are nothing more than the juice squeezed from an old whore's soiled Tampon. Brighten the lives of your long-suffering parents: go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there, you unibrowed gargoyle.

[David Lee Roth]

Originally posted by ZahZoo
Oh ouch ouch ouch... that's a harsh jab there rumpswab!!!! Your sharp wit couldn't cut butter in the Pheonix sun in July...

Look nutsack you're a disgrace to the screen name you are pretending to be... how about you pretend to be intelligent and quit insulting Dave and his fans by using his name to further your psychosis..?

I see you kids are bringing in all your alias posers too and that fucking strunz Soprano... appears we got most of the peanut gallery and tampon brigade chiming in... too bad the whole lot of you couldn't create a beer fart in a whirlwind... but I do appreciate all the attention you losers are giving me!!!

You aren't even worth the words used to dismiss you. There is nothing I'd like more than for you to choke on your horse-size anti-insanity pill, you gangrene-brained straightjacket-escapee.

You cross-dressing, gender-confused waste of genitalia. Celibate, eh? You mean in the closet, right? Or maybe you're a homosexual midget: in which case, you're in the cupboard! The last time I saw something as fugly as you, I was cleaning up after my dog. I've seen better looking road kill. You're the typical left-wing, know-nothing, good-for-nothing, bleeding heart bungling bum who thinks the world owes you a living for doing nothing but farting into the ozone layer. Calling you a pea brain would be an insult to peas, you jellyfish-sucking mental midget. Stop bullshitting about your height. A fucking circus dwarf is not 'average.' Lying won't get you on the good rides in Disney. If you were ever kidnapped and eaten by a cannibal tribe, they'd all die of high cholesterol, you fat, flabby, fumbling fuck. Professional, my ass. You couldn't win a cigar after giving birth in a tobacco field in Havana, you clueless, über-incompetent fuckwit. I've seen wounds that were better dressed than you are, you toad-lickin', hound-kickin', snot-flickin', inbred swamp spawn! Why don't you stop gyrating that gaping misplaced asshole of a mouth on your face for a fucking minute so I can see what the fuck a gibbering witless gimp actually looks like?

Hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla boobuhla
hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla bop

[VH LINKS SUCKS]

Originally posted by ZahZoo
Oh ouch ouch ouch... that's a harsh jab there rumpswab!!!! Your sharp wit couldn't cut butter in the Pheonix sun in July...

Look nutsack you're a disgrace to the screen name you are pretending to be... how about you pretend to be intelligent and quit insulting Dave and his fans by using his name to further your psychosis..?

I see you kids are bringing in all your alias posers too and that fucking strunz Soprano... appears we got most of the peanut gallery and tampon brigade chiming in... too bad the whole lot of you couldn't create a beer fart in a whirlwind... but I do appreciate all the attention you losers are giving me!!!

Just when I think I've read the stupidest post ever, you go and post another. You should offer your posting style to hospital operating theatres as a highly-effective alternative to unconsciousness-inducing medications.

The Anti-Moron™ software on my PC went crazy when I started to read your post. Wouldn't clues have more room to fit in your head if you got rid of some of the gobbledygook in there? Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. I suggest you need Mark Twain's advice; "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

When god was handing out personalities, you must have been holding the door. You're so boring, even a boomerang wouldn't come back to you. Looking at you, Darwin would NOT be pleased to see how inefficiently evolution sometimes works. Maybe you wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if you weren't afflicted with mental retardation; if your weren't so fat that all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 80 Patrons OR You.", or if your face wasn't the strongest form of natural contraception available. Who am I kidding? You would.

You are a devilishly uncouth trollop and a maniacal, armpit-licking sexual assaulter of barnyard animals.

In future, wake up the dozy peglegged hamster operating that wheel-powered brain of yours before you start typing.

[MAX]

Originally posted by David Lee Roth
You are nothing more than the Down Syndrome result of the escaped lunatic's sperm that fertilized your sister's rectum, Clown. Do your keepers a huge favor: go find a hungry lion and tickle its tonsils with your tongue, you unicycle-pedalling blubberhead in floppy clown shoes.

Hey numbnuts, who fucking invited you to this party? You mentioned clowns? Fuck, your posts make clowns look like the second coming of George Carlin!!! Talk about no one giving a shit about what someone has to say? Fuck, you are a dumbass!!! Why don't you save the fun for the ones involved instead of riding on their coattails? Your pathetic attempts at humor are just like your birth. Your mama went to take a greasy shit, was about to flush but noticed you were crying in the toiletbowl. Hence, to the dismay of the human race or any bipedal being in the universe YOU WERE FUCKING SAVED!!! Fuck, the best part of you ran down your mom's leg and left that permanent brown stain on your parents Serta.

Go back to the Minors, you just cannot keep up!!! You are the Ryan Leaf of this thread. It's like watching an All-Star comedy revue and Carrot Top comes on stage. *BOOOOOOOS THROUGHOUT THE ARENA* YOU are the Carrot Top cos you ain't funny!!! Your stale comments and horrible attempts at humor are no longer (Well, never were) needed nor required in this thread!!! To put it bluntly, your posts are just as horrible as The Red Chunker's lyrics, voice, wardrobe and career.

In closing, how fucking dare you use Dave as your username? You are a disgrace to everything for which THE MIGHTY DAVID LEE ROTH stands.

Go away Bette and eat some cheese. :fucku2:

[David Lee Roth]

Originally posted by MAX
Hey numbnuts, who fucking invited you to this party? You mentioned clowns? Fuck, your posts make clowns look like the second coming of George Carlin!!! Talk about no one giving a shit about what someone has to say? Fuck, you are a dumbass!!! Why don't you save the fun for the ones involved instead of riding on their coattails? Your pathetic attempts at humor are just like your birth. Your mama went to take a greasy shit, was about to flush but noticed you were crying in the toiletbowl. Hence, to the dismay of the human race or any bipedal being in the universe YOU WERE FUCKING SAVED!!! Fuck, the best part of you ran down your mom's leg and left that permanent brown stain on your parents Serta.

Go back to the Minors, you just cannot keep up!!! You are the Ryan Leaf of this thread. It's like watching an All-Star comedy revue and Carrot Top comes on stage. *BOOOOOOOS THROUGHOUT THE ARENA* YOU are the Carrot Top cos you ain't funny!!! Your stale comments and horrible attempts at humor are no longer (Well, never were) needed nor required in this thread!!! To put it bluntly, your posts are just as horrible as The Red Chunker's lyrics, voice, wardrobe and career.

In closing, how fucking dare you use Dave as your username? You are a disgrace to everything for which THE MIGHTY DAVID LEE ROTH stands.

Go away Bette and eat some cheese. :fucku2:

Sorry. I don't speak retardese. Can you get someone to translate into meaningful English before you post, please? I suggest you hone your writing skills before applying borrowed glories as a mere typist.

It seems your fingers not only did your typing, but did your thinking too. Have you considered suing your brain for non-support? You're just another Internet-addicted idiot suffering from diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the mind. Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. You bring to mind a quote from Josh Billing: "Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair."

Reading your post is less interesting than watching paint dry. If wit was spit, your mouth would be drier than a shallow well in an African heat wave. I'd get more pleasure from running my nostrils down a cactus, than reading another contribution from you. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if you'd had enough oxygen at birth.

If that post was intended as a joke, you forgot to include the punch line. Why don't you close your mouth before someone sticks an apple in it? Maybe you wouldn't read like such a pathetic loser if you weren't living proof that stupid people should not breed; if your weren't so fat that your cereal bowl has its own lifeguard, or if you didn't have a face that makes people ask: "Damn, is it Halloween already?" No, come to think of it, you would.

Please try to have some small idea of what in the hell you're talking about before you try to post again.

In conclusion, thank you. We were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Now get the hell out of here!

[MAX]

Originally posted by David Lee Roth
BLAH.... BLAH.... BLAH..... BLAH.... AND FUCKING BLAH....

Damn, your posts are boring. They work better than XANAX and that is saying something.

[David Lee Roth]

Originally posted by MAX
Damn, your posts are boring. They work better than XANAX and that is saying something.

I see that you are fluent in Gibbering Moronese. :confused: Unfortunately, I'm not. You generate more waffle than the waffle making machine in a waffle factory. Your ineffective imitation of good posting style only serves to illuminate your lack of substance, good taste, and decency. I don't think you are a fool after reading your post, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others? Generally, there is nothing wrong with having nothing worthwhile to say - unless you insist on saying it. Reading your post makes blindness a wonderful thing to look forward to. Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read.
Your message board incompetence is an inspiration to botched lobotomy patients everywhere. In future, kindly proofread your posts before assaulting unsuspecting readers of this message board with a litany of misspellings, egregious grammatical errors, and other verbal atrocities.

Why don't you shrink your head and use it as a paperweight? It's not much use for writing intelligent posts with, that's for sure. It's truly amazing the way you never let an idea interrupt the flow of your typing, but then, making sense isn't your area of expertise, is it? Have you ever noticed that whenever you sit behind a keyboard, some idiot starts typing?
That post is written by something so confused, it doesn't know whether to scratch its watch or wind its ass. Thanks for your contribution, but if I had wanted to hear from somebody with your IQ, I'd be at my local supermarket talking to the vegetables. Clearly, the full area of your ignorance is not yet mapped. We are presently only exploring the fringes of that vast expanse. You light up a room when you leave it. No doubt your life is so dull, that you can actually write your diary one week in advance.

It's just as well you can type, for if you had to speak your mind, you'd be speechless. I understand what you are trying to say, even though you obviously don't. If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous. To quote Thomas Brackett Reed: "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Now, why don’t you climb onto that Special Needs tricycle of yours with the fourth wheel attached for extra-ensured retard stability and pedal your fat ass down to the sports field and do some “outdoors” stuff for a change. Hell, if you don’t like it, you can always offer to lick-clean the jockstraps.



Anyway, I'm not really good with fools, but a friend who is good with fools wrote something down for me. Oh, yeah, "Shut your cake-hole, stupid!"

[MAX]

Originally posted by David Lee Roth
[B]In future, kindly proofread your posts before assaulting unsuspecting readers of this message board with a litany of misspellings, egregious grammatical errors, and other verbal atrocities.

Why? You've self-appointed yourself and I have no problem with that. smile

No doubt your life is so dull, that you can actually write your diary one week in advance.

As much as I hate to admit it, that one was actually funny.

As for the rest of your drivel? Well, it leaves a lot to be desired.

One last jab ok?

It truly is a fucking travesty that your mama wasn't able to figure out the intricate configurations of a fucking toilet!

It's sooooo easy. Why in the fuck she didn't just flush is beyond me?

Goodnight Mr. Shrimp cocktail. You really are one who needs to meet a wire hanger in a dirty alley.

[David Lee Roth]

Originally posted by MAX
Why? You've self-appointed yourself and I have no problem with that. smile



As much as I hate to admit it, that one was actually funny.

As for the rest of your drivel? Well, it leaves a lot to be desired.

One last jab ok?

It truly is a fucking travesty that your mama wasn't able to figure out the intricate configurations of a fucking toilet!

It's sooooo easy. Why in the fuck she didn't just flush is beyond me?

Goodnight Mr. Shrimp cocktail. You really are one who needs to meet a wire hanger in a dirty alley.

Thank you! We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view, you ridiculous little carnival freak!

You post in a way that makes slugs and other invertebrates look like Nobel Prize winners. Clearly, you spend way too much time in darkened rooms in front of your seven-year-old computer turning a whiter shade of pale. Go outside once in a while and breathe, before your brain starts to rot from all that festering stagnation and cognitive dysfunction.

Your post is the world's greatest proof of reincarnation; no one could get that dumb in just one lifetime. How about putting that into proper syntax, form, and grammar so that I can at least understand what you are saying before I dismiss it?
It sounds like English; it even looks like English, but I can't understand a word you're blabbering. If there's an idea in your head, it's in solitary confinement. If you're going to say something that ignorant, you could at least fake a stroke. Seriously, I've come across decomposing dog carcases that are less offensive to the senses than you are.
Keep typing. Maybe, someday, you'll randomly type something semi-intelligent. You must have a very large brain to hold such a vast amount of sheer ignorance. If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous. As Abba Eban so aptly said: "His ignorance is encyclopedic."

You have the warm personal charm of a millipede and about as much class as a bucket of mucous lodged on top of a dumpster in a Blue Light district of New Jersey! If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to run an ant's go-kart around the inside of a donut. I understand what you are trying to say, even though you obviously don't. A long period of non-posting would be most welcome on your part. Trying to get something of value out of your post is like trying to squeeze orange juice out of an apple. You've got a big hole in your head, now shut it. When you are at a loss for words, your loss is our gain.
You are about as entertaining as a child's inflatable punching toy. You bop it, it springs back, you bop it again and you forget it ever existed. It slowly deflates in an unused corner, then one day you throw it away. If I had wanted to talk to somebody with your personality, I would be at the damn pet store talking to the lizards.



To sum up: you are about as smart as your rubber bow tie and two left shoes suggest, Bozo. Now, go curl back up in your corner, and continue chewing on your toenails. Better yet, why don't you put your glasses on backwards and walk into yourself?