THE BOOK OF DAVE - Chapter 1

[DaveIsKing]

The Dave Is King
And I shall rock
He maketh me to headbang in front of the stage
He leadeth me to the hot chicks
He saveth Van Halen
Yea, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of Spam
Dave is with me
Thy rock and roll it comforts me
Dave rocketh the faces of our enemies
He smasheth their presence
My bottle tippeth over
Surely, Van Halen will see the error of their ways
And shall repent before Dave
Dave shall set them free of Spam...and they shall be free indeed.

[Bill Lumbergh]

And the angel said "Edward you will be faced with three demons.......one of which will returneth after being vanquished once. The first demon will be that of a woman........one so evil that we dare not speaketh its name..........the next is the most powerful of all.......a rotund monster, whose terrible shrieking can destroyeth all in it's path.......then a fairy who can be overcometh easily, though painfully.........How you overcome fight these demons will determineth how and if The Lord David Lee, will make his glorious return.........give in to these entities and you will be struck down into half a man, and be forced to endureth a liife without salvation, which only David Lee can bring.....................Go now young Edward........Which path will you chooseth.............

[Bill Lumbergh]

Onceth Van Halen ruled the Earth

Then came a poser with massive girth

The world was saved

When this mighty band played

Water turned to wineth

(or was that Jack Daniels)

Women got mighty wet

when Dave and Ed played a 2 hour set

Theneth they all got large

When Judas McSpammy was in charge........

[DaveIsKing]

"The Second Coming is nigh! King David will transform Van Halen (his Chosen band) into a REAL ROCK BAND again!" said the prophet Phullashit.

Spammy has possessed Van Halen once again and turned into the evil Van HAGAR.

Let us gather in Dave's name and stand on the SOLID ROCK of Dave.

[lms2]

And yeah though I have seen footage of this joke being called a reunion tour, I shall fear no spam, for Dave still lives. Eternity exists not in cheese, but in rock and roll. And though screaches and shrieks have hurt mine ears, and maketh me puke up my lunch, I know that some kick ass tunes filled with rock and roll soul and attitude shall follow me all the days of my lives.

Even if that means that I have to sit at home and listen to Classic Van Halen reproduced on CD for all eternity-Thank you lord for the miracle of recorded music to save me from the live shit Van Gagar is putting out on this tour. Amen.