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Some of you have heard this, but it was buried in my welcome thread, and I think it's worthy of a thread of it's own. I do realize it will have to be removed to the non related topic forum soon, but that's OK
I have a story for you - it's about Van Halen and my Dog. Emily is a show dog, Irish Setter, #8 sporting dog in the country.
My handler, Adam, is a bit of a rock and roll guy, although he's only 26.
Hot, good looking and all the gay dog handlers are drooling over him, alas,
he's very straight and has a very hot little wife. So in spite of the
constant suit and tie in the ring, he's tattooed all over the place. I did
not know this.
This June, we were in Lancaster PA at the Irish Setter National. There's a
golf outing on the first day and he's going. He has shorts on - and I
notice a tattoo on his ankle. First time I knew he had tattoos. I express
surprise, then threaten to tell my co-owner who is a really repressed sort.
We're laughing about this, and I look closer and step back a bit -
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
I'm looking at a tattoo of the fucking Cabo Wabo Chicken.
"What?" he says. kind of freaked out at my extreme reaction. "It's from our
vacation in Cabo - my brother and I got them - we were at this bar....."
Now I'm freaking out. I'm doing it to mess with him, but I'm partially
serious. Holy Shit. This is extremely bad karma for this whole thing and a
lot is at stake here. I think I mentioned that I had been planning a Van
Halen litter - and that any association with Sammy Hagar is death. Dave or
the Grave.
He cannot FATHOM what I am talking about. He likes Van Halen, but doesn't
distinguish between Dave and Sammy. I catch my breath from yelling at him
and telling him how serious this is. It seems to be innocent. So I drop it
for the time being.
Later in the room, I'm unpacking and discover I have the purse I had at all
the reunion concerts. It's filled with the confetti from Cleveland, Toronto
and Montreal. Some of it came from between my tits and everything. So I
struck up a plan. Adam had to have the VH confetti on his person to
counteract the bad Sammy Mojo.
The night before Best of Breed, I went to his wife and said "Jamie, don't
ask questions. Adam HAS TO put this confetti in his shirt pocket tomorrow.
Don't ask why - he will know. Just make him do it." I figured he'd blow it
off, but if anybody could do it, his hot little wife could.
Now we were brand new in this level of competition. We were doing really
well on the show circuit, but there were other dogs who were the favorites
to win this big, BIG competition. We expected at best to get an award of
Merit. That's what the confetti plan was meant to secure. But, out of the
blue, Adam and Emily went on to win the whole damned thing. Best of Breed,
one of my life's biggest dreams. I almost fell out of the fucking balcony,
we made tons of enemies - oh it was a beautiful moment.
We are down taking pictures, he's beaming, I'm crying and everybody's
fussing over the dog - and he pulls out the confetti from his shirt pocket.
He says "hold on to this until the next time we need it." Big grin.
We had the confetti in Long Beach - and we'll have it at Westminster. He's
a good kid, and he gets bootlegs. Dolemite Motherfuckers.
I have a story for you - it's about Van Halen and my Dog. Emily is a show dog, Irish Setter, #8 sporting dog in the country.
My handler, Adam, is a bit of a rock and roll guy, although he's only 26.
Hot, good looking and all the gay dog handlers are drooling over him, alas,
he's very straight and has a very hot little wife. So in spite of the
constant suit and tie in the ring, he's tattooed all over the place. I did
not know this.
This June, we were in Lancaster PA at the Irish Setter National. There's a
golf outing on the first day and he's going. He has shorts on - and I
notice a tattoo on his ankle. First time I knew he had tattoos. I express
surprise, then threaten to tell my co-owner who is a really repressed sort.
We're laughing about this, and I look closer and step back a bit -
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
I'm looking at a tattoo of the fucking Cabo Wabo Chicken.
"What?" he says. kind of freaked out at my extreme reaction. "It's from our
vacation in Cabo - my brother and I got them - we were at this bar....."
Now I'm freaking out. I'm doing it to mess with him, but I'm partially
serious. Holy Shit. This is extremely bad karma for this whole thing and a
lot is at stake here. I think I mentioned that I had been planning a Van
Halen litter - and that any association with Sammy Hagar is death. Dave or
the Grave.
He cannot FATHOM what I am talking about. He likes Van Halen, but doesn't
distinguish between Dave and Sammy. I catch my breath from yelling at him
and telling him how serious this is. It seems to be innocent. So I drop it
for the time being.
Later in the room, I'm unpacking and discover I have the purse I had at all
the reunion concerts. It's filled with the confetti from Cleveland, Toronto
and Montreal. Some of it came from between my tits and everything. So I
struck up a plan. Adam had to have the VH confetti on his person to
counteract the bad Sammy Mojo.
The night before Best of Breed, I went to his wife and said "Jamie, don't
ask questions. Adam HAS TO put this confetti in his shirt pocket tomorrow.
Don't ask why - he will know. Just make him do it." I figured he'd blow it
off, but if anybody could do it, his hot little wife could.
Now we were brand new in this level of competition. We were doing really
well on the show circuit, but there were other dogs who were the favorites
to win this big, BIG competition. We expected at best to get an award of
Merit. That's what the confetti plan was meant to secure. But, out of the
blue, Adam and Emily went on to win the whole damned thing. Best of Breed,
one of my life's biggest dreams. I almost fell out of the fucking balcony,
we made tons of enemies - oh it was a beautiful moment.
We are down taking pictures, he's beaming, I'm crying and everybody's
fussing over the dog - and he pulls out the confetti from his shirt pocket.
He says "hold on to this until the next time we need it." Big grin.
We had the confetti in Long Beach - and we'll have it at Westminster. He's
a good kid, and he gets bootlegs. Dolemite Motherfuckers.
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