MTV: An Open Letter To Van Halen: Please Do Not Make An Album

[Anonymous]

Funny thing is, as I read VA's last line on his cracker post, I felt kind of insulted.

"What the fuck, does he think we're all retards, he has to spell it out for us?"

In walks Joe...

... and the rest is history.

Cheers! :bottle:

[kwame k]

.....is he calling me a cracker

[FORD]

It was my recollection that Gary first met Eddie in July of 1996. Around this time there was also Mitch Malloy -- all the while VH were working on the two songs with Dave. It was a bizzare scenario to say the least.

Actually, this all started in June of 96, before Hagar was even fired. So technically , they had 4 singers at the same time. And this is when Eddie was claiming to be SOBER!

[FORD]

... crackers? what the fuck is this?

You know..... a couple of crackers..... after 10 years of nothin' but CHEESE.

[Va Beach VH Fan]

Funny thing is, as I read VA's last line on his cracker post, I felt kind of insulted.

"What the fuck, does he think we're all retards, he has to spell it out for us?"

In walks Joe...

... and the rest is history.

Cheers! :bottle:

Actually I borrowed "For those who don't comprende" from Clint Eastwood in "Heartbreak Ridge"....

[FORD]

Now you just gotta work "do ya feel lucky punk? Well, do ya?" into the next one.

[chefcraig]

Actually I borrowed "For those who don't comprende" from Clint Eastwood in "Heartbreak Ridge"....

For one dumb reason or another, I've seen a handful of movies so many times that I can recite the dialogue. Not exactly something to be proud of for sure, but the line from Heartbreak Ridge is "And I don't want to get my head shot off in some faraway land because you don't habla, comprende?" or "That's six o'clock in the morning for those of you who don't habla...".

[Va Beach VH Fan]

Son of a bitch, you're right.... Thought I had that quote, I stand corrected....

[ThatArtGuy]

Crackers: Eddie Murphy's Raw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhZ_Xecac7w

[Va Beach VH Fan]

There ya go !! I'm telling ya, the PERFECT analogy....

I listen to the whole damn thing, but if you must, start around the 4:00 mark for pertinent stuff...

[ThatArtGuy]

I knew the exact reference the first time you posted it. LOL

[joe d'amato]

... i'm still trying to figure out this cracker reference to the two last vh songs with dave ...

... to refer to the two brilliant songs on the best of volume 1 package as "crackers" amounts to supreme ingratitude. many of us were infinitely grateful when van halen surprised us with the mtv reunion and the two new songs. it was a very important event in the history of the band. in fact, i remember exactly where i was, what time it was and where i was when i heard the news. that's how major it was to us ...

... keep in mind, the words of a moderator of a fan web site dedicated to the great david lee roth hold a TREMENDOUS amount of weight. if i say something negative about dave or vh or somebody else says something negative nobody gives a damn, it's just the blatherings of an internet fool. when the moderator says it -- and backs it up with a monologue from eddie murphy -- it incurs MAJOR damage. it's seditious treason ...

... if you're gonna post negative shit about dave please do it under a fake name. it's like dissing frank sinatra for christ sakes ...

[Va Beach VH Fan]

OK buddy, let's break it down for you.... (LMFAO, I can't stop laughing, but I'm here to help.... )

The year - 1996... 11 years after the breakup, and more importantly, 11 years of Hagarita cheese....

The MTV awards surprise appearance makes the REAL Van Halen fans go bonkers... Shit, I was in Italy reading it in the frickin' Stars and Stripes and I was going nuts....

Talks of a reunion, a new album, the whole nine yards..... Again, we diehards can't get enough of it....

At this point, we (Roth-era VH fans) are "starving" for anything, all we've heard since '86 is Mickey Mouse bullshit power ballads from Sammy and the Hagaritas....

Here's where the cracker reference comes in....

If you're starving (the Roth-era VH Fans) and somebody throw you a cracker (Me Wise Magic + Can't Get This Stuff No More), you gonna be like this: "Goddamn, that's the best cracker I ever ate in my life! That ain't no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine? Goddamn, that was delicious. That wasn't no Saltine. That was... That was a Ritz. That wasn't a Ritz? God, that was the best cracker I ever ate in my life. Can I have another one, please? Please, one more."


It's my contention that most fans would've accepted anything at that point and they would have thought it was great, simply because they had heard nothing but lollipop crap for 11 years.....

So now at this point, we're down to a basic disagreement whether those songs are good of not. I'm gonna go out on a limb since you describe the songs as "brilliant", you like them (call me crazy)..... Me, I disagree with that, I think they're OK, but certainly not two of their better songs....

But that's cool.....

[chefcraig]

Ya know Va, the more I think about it, the more I believe this "crackers to a starving man" theory of yours could be applied to those people that inexplicably think VH III is a great, let alone valid Van Halen album. For years I've shaken my head at folks expressing the belief at other VH sites, and I still am astounded by it. Look, I desperately wanted to like the damned thing, but after forcing myself to listen to it again and again in hopes that it would reveal some charms not entirely evident on some casual listening, I came to my senses and gave up: It just ain't happening.

Yet there are those that seem to have convinced themselves (after apparently doing the same tedious listening that I did) that there somehow has to be something there. I won't go so far as to state that the thinking is completely delusional, but there is a certain amount of seeing a forest instead of a tree. These people simply can not bring themselves to admit that the album does stink, and their investment of time listening to it (along with all of the pie in the sky hopes it would be amazing) has left them without the option of admitting the truth.

As for the two Roth tracks on the BOV1 album, I'll admit to hoping for great things because of "MWM", as it signaled a possible (albeit strained) new direction for the band. (Perhaps that hope is what fueled my own - along with other folk's - expectations of the Cherone album.) By the same token, one listen to "CGTSNM" was enough proof for anyone truly paying attention to not set their expectations quite so high.

[Anonymous]

OK buddy, let's break it down for you.... (LMFAO, I can't stop laughing, but I'm here to help.... )

The year - 1996... 11 years after the breakup, and more importantly, 11 years of Hagarita cheese....

The MTV awards surprise appearance makes the REAL Van Halen fans go bonkers... Shit, I was in Italy reading it in the frickin' Stars and Stripes and I was going nuts....

Talks of a reunion, a new album, the whole nine yards..... Again, we diehards can't get enough of it....

At this point, we (Roth-era VH fans) are "starving" for anything, all we've heard since '86 is Mickey Mouse bullshit power ballads from Sammy and the Hagaritas....

Here's where the cracker reference comes in....

If you're starving (the Roth-era VH Fans) and somebody throw you a cracker (Me Wise Magic + Can't Get This Stuff No More), you gonna be like this: "Goddamn, that's the best cracker I ever ate in my life! That ain't no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine? Goddamn, that was delicious. That wasn't no Saltine. That was... That was a Ritz. That wasn't a Ritz? God, that was the best cracker I ever ate in my life. Can I have another one, please? Please, one more."


It's my contention that most fans would've accepted anything at that point and they would have thought it was great, simply because they had heard nothing but lollipop crap for 11 years.....

So now at this point, we're down to a basic disagreement whether those songs are good of not. I'm gonna go out on a limb since you describe the songs as "brilliant", you like them (call me crazy)..... Me, I disagree with that, I think they're OK, but certainly not two of their better songs....

But that's cool.....

I'm just quoting you, because maybe, just maybe, if he reads it twice, he'll get it.

Yeah, yeah, I know... fat chance, eh?

Still, not everyone can have an above 60 IQ. So, let's not make fun of him.

Cheers! :bottle: