Eddie talks to God

[squib]

Maybe this has gone through this site already, I've been out of touch as of late, but Eddie is officialy nuts. He called a reporter at 3 in the morning and the article is in the link http://www.cleveland.com/search/inde...4270.xml?empop

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in case it won't link:

FROM THE CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER

So I got a voice mail the other day at 3 a.m. from Eddie Van Halen.

The virtuoso guitarist took exception with my review of his hard-rock band Van Halen's concert July 2 at Gund Arena.




"Music, to me, is my life," he said. "How could you critique something that just is, you know?

"I don't claim to write the music. It just comes through me. . . . If you don't like it, why do you come?"

Eddie then offered a quick critique of me. "I think you're a disgruntled human being," he said. Ouch!

"Are you jealous 'cause you're not us, or what?" he said. "Are you envious?"

Truth be told, there was the time I went to a party the summer after my senior year of high school and stood around all night with a bunch of other guys, pathetically playing air-guitar along with Van Halen's "1984" album.

"What is the deal with people like you?" Eddie demanded. "You actually get paid for doing this [expletive]?"

To answer his questions:

1. In all honesty, sometimes I have to wonder myself.

2. Actually, yes.

"If you want to, you can call me on my cell phone," Eddie said, proceeding to leave his number.

" 'Cause it's me . . . Ed . . . Van Halen. OK?"

There was no reason to doubt it. I recognized his voice, having interviewed Eddie a few years ago.

The following afternoon, I took a deep breath and gave him a ring.

"Hi, Ed? It's me . . . John . . . Soeder."

I couldn't resist.

"Hi, John," Eddie said. Van Halen had performed the previous evening in Detroit and he was at the airport, waiting to catch a flight to New York City.

"I've never, ever called a critic," he said. "This is the first time I've ever done that in my life."

This was a first for me, too. I've never had a major rock 'n' roller call to complain about a review.

"You're the only person in close to 30 years of doing what I do - I don't know, I just had a wild hair in my [expletive], and I felt like calling you," Eddie said.

If I ever write a memoir, the title will be: "I Put a Wild Hair in Eddie Van Halen's [Expletive]."

I thanked him for the feedback.

"Who died and made you queen?" Eddie said. "Do you have a Ph.D. in music?"

Well, no. Then again, neither does Eddie.

"Believe it or not, I can't even read music," he said. "I'm selftaught. Where the songs come from, I don't have a clue, OK? It just comes through me.

"Why do you think I play so bizarre? Because I don't know what the [expletive] I'm doing!"

Nonetheless, I have no right to judge anyone, Eddie told me.

I'm not trying to pass judgment on a personal level. As a critic, my job is to offer my opinion - hopefully, an informed opinion - about a concert, a CD, whatever.

Eddie insisted I should start every review with the words: "In my opinion . . ."

It would be redundant, I countered. Reviews, by definition, are supposed to be opinionated.

We went round and round about critical theory. I finally said we were splitting hairs.

"No!" Eddie said. "It's a major hair!"

Look - we're all entitled to our opinions. Mine are no more or no less valid than yours or the next guy's in the audience.

"But those people don't have the opportunity to be a critic in a newspaper, to voice their opinion," Eddie said. "You have the power to touch a lot of people, just as I do."

Concertgoers and readers are free to make up their own minds, I said. If they agree with me, cool. If not, bring it on.

"Have a little more compassion," Eddie said. "In a twisted way, what you do is hurt a lot of people's feelings."

There was a pause. Then he added: "You're not hurting mine. I'm not pissed off at you. I'm just trying to pick your brain."

Hey, everyone's a critic, right?

"No!" Eddie said. "I'm not."

Oh, come on - surely when he's with his buddies, he might weigh in on the merits of, say, a particular album.

"That's the thing: I don't listen to anything," Eddie said. "You're talking to a very, uh, unorthodox individual here."

This was rapidly becoming apparent.

"I listen to nothing because God lays so much music on me every [expletive] day - I don't have the time," Eddie said. "It's three-quarters of the reason why I'm not married anymore. Because, you know, it's 3 o'clock in the morning, and I'm up because God is knocking on my door, giving me ideas."

I'm still not quite sure why Eddie was so bent out of shape by my concert critique, which ran under the headline: "Hagar helps revive band's chemistry." Granted, the review wasn't an all-out rave. I quibbled about the sound quality and took singer Sammy Hagar to task for not bringing the same swagger as original Van Halen vocalist David Lee Roth to some of the band's older material.

When it came to the Hagar-era songs, however, the group was on the money, which is what I wrote.

"I found your review amusing because you don't have a clue what goes down," Eddie said.

"You know, my guitar solo - for the first time in my life, I don't have a set thing I'm doing. I'm totally letting go.

"The hip replacement, cancer, divorce - you name it, I beat it all. . . . I'm not afraid of getting on top of the stairs, falling down and hoping to land on my feet, OK?"

Eddie and actress Valerie Bertinelli split in 2001. One year earlier, he was treated for tongue cancer. He had hip-replacement surgery in 1999.

"So I'm doing my guitar solo," he said. "I'm doing some amazing [expletive] I've never done, because I allow myself to feel. Ninety percent of the humans on this planet won't allow themselves to feel, let alone deal with what they're feeling, then heal, you know?"

This is all well and good. But I didn't diss Eddie's guitar solo. In fact, I wrote: "Throughout the night, [Eddie] was never at a loss for a fleet-fingered guitar solo or a ripsnorting riff."

Maybe he had me confused with another critic.

"OK," Eddie said. "Look, the funny thing is, it's not about me. It's not about you. It's not about anything. Music is the universal language."

He couldn't fathom why I mentioned Roth in the review.

"That [expletive] has nothing to do with what we're doing now," Eddie said. "If you knew Roth the way I do, you would go, 'This guy is out of his [expletive] mind!'

"Why did you even have to bring up Roth? He wasn't onstage."

True. But didn't Roth help popularize some of those songs and write the lyrics to them?

"Uh, a few of 'em," Eddie said. "But Roth and Hagar are two unique individuals. You can't say Hagar didn't sing it the way Roth did. Of course [Hagar] can't. He's not Roth."

Long before I did this for a living, I was a Van Halen fan. I bought the albums. I bought tickets to the concerts. I bought the souvenir T-shirts.

I'm still a fan.

"Well, what do you want from me?" an exasperated Eddie said.

"I can't give you something I don't have."

We talked for nearly an hour.

Toward the end of the rambling conversation, Eddie said he'd enjoyed our discussion. He told me to keep in touch.

"I'm not a rock star," Eddie said. "I'm a musician. And I'll be damned if someone is gonna tell me what comes through me is not what they expected."

The music comes from God, according to Eddie.

"And in my opinion, what you do is judge God," he said.

Was he saying the Almighty somehow had a hand in "Runnin' with the Devil" and "Hot for Teacher"?

I told Eddie I'd have to reflect on that one and get back to him.

"One thing I am is consistent," he said. "I'm not blowing smoke up my own [expletive], but at my worst, I am still me. Nobody else but me can do me."

You do it well, I assured him.

"There you go, judging me again," Eddie said. Then he laughed.

OK, let me rephrase that: In my opinion, Eddie Van Halen does Eddie Van Halen well.

"Thank you, sir," he said.

Soeder is The Plain Dealer's pop music critic.

To reach this Plain Dealer reporter:

jsoeder@plaind.com, 216-999-4562

[Dan]

Squib,thanks for the article,Shit Ed is nuts for sure.

[wooda]

Eddie is a fucking dyslexic, who talks to his DOG!!!!

[BARE BONE]

I love when Roth's name is brought up Ed goes nuts.

[Matt White]

If ed's talkin' to God I wonder When God is gonna tell him, "Stop abusing yourself. Stop being so self-centered that you hurt your wife, your son, your family, and your friends.Try actting your age, your not 19 your 49! And stop telling people we're talking...they might think I"M RESPONSIBLE for VHIII."

[ROTHandRoll]

Originally posted by wooda
Eddie is a fucking dyslexic, who talks to his DOG!!!!

Yeah, he's the Son of Sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Panamark]

"That [expletive] has nothing to do with what we're doing now," Eddie said. "If you knew Roth the way I do, you would go, 'This guy is out of his [expletive] mind!'

Funny how the rest of the world thinks you are out of yours, Edweird !

[BIGBADZERO]

Edward has always been nuts. It's what makes him the genius that he is. As if Roth isn't nuts in his own way.

[Panamark]

Two nuts make a set a nuts !

Something Van Halen has missed for a long time....

[madraoul]

Two nuts make a set...that's some profound shit that wraps it up nicely. Don't be offended, but I'm stealing that.

[Cathedral]

Well, if they're both nuts then why don't they join together in a scrotum and RECORD ANOTHER KICK ASS ALBUM?

[Seshmeister]

GOD WROTE 'UP FOR BREAKFAST'???

A plague on your house?

What a fucking wacko.

Cheers!

[Full Bug]

Originally posted by madraoul
Two nuts make a set...that's some profound shit that wraps it up nicely. Don't be offended, but I'm stealing that.

Wouldnt two nuts make a nutsack? Hmmmm.....

[Mezro]

Originally posted by Panamark
"That [expletive] has nothing to do with what we're doing now," Eddie said. "If you knew Roth the way I do, you would go, 'This guy is out of his [expletive] mind!'

When Ed talks about Dave like that in a casual conversation it doesn't give me much hope for a future reunion.

Mezro...Up For Breakfast is from God?...heheehehe...so much for a kind, loving God...