Ralph Saenz: If You're Gonna Do A VAN HALEN Reunion, You Can't Have Your Son Playing

[Dave's Bitch]

I forgot about Ed's Filthy Methy Mouth! Yes, that truly was a miracle! Maybe he can use his powers to bring back Dave's hair...or his voice!!

The hair would be great, but what I miss is the Iron Man mask, that thing was fucking awesome. hell, go one step further and have Dave wear the costume to go with it, Picture this:

The stage is black, there is smoke creeping in. Suddenly a lone spot light comes on and illuminates our savior, the mighty Wolfie. He thumps away the opening to RWTD, then lights blaze on and the song kicks in. Dave then comes flying out shooting lasers and shit, pyro going crazy. This would fix so much. A little spectacle, new stage, and best of all with Dave dressed as Iron Man, he could sing in a robot voice. Everyone is a winner

Pretty awesome, huh?

[DONNIEP]

Holy shit - that's the greatest idea EVAH!!!! The robot voice would solve everything! They could even do a kick ass cover of Mr. Roboto!

They need to bring back the bass solo too! Just picture it, the stage goes dark, then you hear Mike's old solo starting up and wolfie comes out dressed in Mikey's old 1984 tour outfit! No, even better - he's hanging on a cross and dressed like Jesus! Then, just when he's really bangin on the bass, he rises up off the cross and flies around the arena - kinda like Kay Perry did but less gay - and he has this rig that shoots copies of VH Guitar Hero out of his ass into the crowd! You know, just to make sure everybody knows Mikey was never in the band.

Oh man, what a killer fuckin show that would be.

[Dave's Bitch]

I love it!. The Jesus thing is just the best. Jesus wore sandals, right?, I know a certain formerly filthy meth mouthed guy who could hook Wolfie up with a kick ass pair of striped Jesus sandals. Are these guys stupid or something?, why are they not doing this?

[DONNIEP]

I love it!. The Jesus thing is just the best. Jesus wore sandals, right?, I know a certain formerly filthy meth mouthed guy who could hook Wolfie up with a kick ass pair of striped Jesus sandals. Are these guys stupid or something?, why are they not doing this?

YES!!! Wolf on the cross wearing EFMM Striped Flip Flops - Genius!

Did you know Wolf actually invented a time machine? He did. He went back in time and not only did he give Ed the idea to name the band Van Halen, he also taught Ed how to play the guitar. It's true. Wolf was actually the guy playing bass on the original Van Halen records. And I have photographic evidence of it! That's right - this is the ONLY picture that has ever seen the light of day, documenting Wolf's role in the band:

[Dave's Bitch]

That is not the ONLY picture, silly. You remember the cover of the first album?

[DONNIEP]

How could I forget that? Yes, when Ed and Al finally wised up and removed Mikey from the album covers it was the right move. Best thing they ever did. And hell yes it was Ed and Al that physically worked the 'puter and photoshopped those pictures and then posted them. Or they hired Flappo to do it. I can't really remember now.

[Dave's Bitch]

How could I forget that? Yes, when Ed and Al finally wised up and removed Mikey from the album covers it was the right move. Best thing they ever did. And hell yes it was Ed and Al that physically worked the 'puter and photoshopped those pictures and then posted them. Or they hired Flappo to do it. I can't really remember now.

I can imagine that raspy old fuck sat behind his computer and croaking "Play with Sammy, will he?. I'll show that fucker"

[DONNIEP]

I can imagine that raspy old fuck sat behind his computer and croaking "Play with Sammy, will he?. I'll show that fucker"

Probably in the corner of his smelly old studio..."Hahaha cough cough hack cough...I'll show that little fucker! Wolfie! Bring daddy another beer! Yes, I want another one dammit! I'm working. I don't care what your mom said. AL!!!! How the fuck do I C O P Y and what is this... P A S T E? Where's my damn beer???"

[WARF]

I don't know man, just let Mikey sit in on a couple songs with Ralph and it sounds more like Van Halen than this current abortion.

I'd be the first person in line to buy the album if the lineup was Ralph, Mikey, Eddie and Alex!

Ralph and Mike and both major upgrades.....

Dave is too damn old now.
Dave will ALWAYS be the greatest, don't take what I said the wrong way.... his final hurrah was in 2001/02 when he was with the DLR Band screamin' and kickin' all over the stage... now he's past his expiration date.... this is why I look more forward to a laid back JOHN 5 album over fronting a band which requires youth and energy.... Dave can cut a good record with VH, no doubt.... but the live performances have past him by with his old age...

Wolf can't touch Mike's stage presence or background vocals....

Example: Mike can be seen backstage with a bottle of Jack Daniels with two groupie bitches in his arms....
Wolfgang is backstage playin' Grand Theft Auto and making Angry Bird app tweets....

[Kristy]

I'd be the first person in line to buy the album is the lineup was Ralph, Mikey, Eddie and Alex!

Hippie.

[DONNIEP]

I'd be the first person in line to buy the album is the lineup was Ralph, Mikey, Eddie and Alex!

I would too! Fire Dave! No, wait, Fire Wolfie! No, Fire Ed! Just fire somebody and bring in a bunch of other people!

[WARF]

Hippie.

[DONNIEP]

Hippie.

Worse - he's half yankee!!

[WARF]

Worse - he's half yankee!!

Kristy is half male , and half female.... and 100% totally stoned.....

[DONNIEP]

Kristy is half male , and half female.... and 100% totally stoned.....

Oh no, she's all woman. And definitely not a hippie.