Van Halen 2015 Tour Dates !!!

[ELVIS]

Yeah, look at that racist as all Hell avatar and keep telling yourself that

A bank is racist ??

[FORD]

Unlike your lungs, mine aren't full of dope smoke. Besides, if I pass out, you can give me mouth to mouth. Then we can hold hands and sing John Denver songs.

[Von Halen]

He should have stuck with the Porsche, huh Ford?

[DONNIEP]

One Canadian date? Its Toronto so it doesn't really count as Canadian.

They don't want to cross the border? Too much of a hassle?
Maybe its the recent drop in the Canadian dollar?

I blame you. See, Von heard from Sesh who heard from Von who heard from me that Warf heard from Von who heard from me that Sesh heard from Von that said that Warf heard VA who heard from me say that Sesh said to Rollo that YOU pissed them off so they ain't coming to the make believe country that you live in. And who can blame them? A leaf? Seriously? That's gayer than Freddie Mercury wearing Gucci sneaks! Plus they heard Canada's National Anthem. So they ain't coming up there.

[FORD]

He should have stuck with the Porsche, huh Ford?

Would have been safer than the home-made airplane, no doubt.

[BumBahDeeDah]

No MSG?!! No Barclays?!!! OH. There'll be a second, arena leg of this tour. They'll release the new studio album in between.

Right?

[Von Halen]

I blame you. See, Von heard from Sesh who heard from Von who heard from me that Warf heard from Von who heard from me that Sesh heard from Von that said that Warf heard VA who heard from me say that Sesh said to Rollo that YOU pissed them off so they ain't coming to the make believe country that you live in. And who can blame them? A leaf? Seriously? That's gayer than Freddie Mercury wearing Gucci sneaks! Plus they heard Canada's National Anthem. So they ain't coming up there.

Rollo? From Sanford and Son?

Now wait a minute. As shitty as Canada is, it doesn't get much better than hearing their National Anthem and ours, back to back in a hockey arena.

[Kristy]

It's shit like this that pisses me right the fuck off:


It's not funny, informative, or entertaining. Made by college grad fuckfaces from Texas, California and any doucheville east coast shithole. Lame F A T fucks - everyone of them. Can these idiots place any more stereotypes in? These are the Never was people I was talking about. "See how we roll."

Fuck off.

[DONNIEP]

I have found the Canadian National Anthem!

[Seshmeister]

It's shit like this that pisses me right the fuck off:

Would it not be quicker for you to just post what doesn't?

[DONNIEP]

Canada sucks. Why the fuck would anybody live there? Snow up the ass - caused by higher climate temperatures, which makes no fucking sense - and no industry or money. I'd rather live in Antartica. At least if you lived in Antartica you would know you were there because there was no other place on the planet for you.

[Kristy]

Would it not be quicker for you to just post what doesn't?

You a wine and cheese stoner too, Sesh?

[Von Halen]

Canada sucks. Why the fuck would anybody live there? Snow up the ass - caused by higher climate temperatures, which makes no fucking sense - and no industry or money. I'd rather live in Antartica. At least if you lived in Antartica you would know you were there because there was no other place on the planet for you.

90% of Canadians live along the border. It makes them feel safe to look out their windows and see the KINGS OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD right next door!

[Kristy]

I lived in Winnipeg for 8 months. Biggest god damn mistake in my life.


Well, apart from coming here.

[clarathecarrot]

gotta be better than NYC