Joke thread

[Keeyth]

> A girl came skipping home from school one day.
> "Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the
other

> kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See?

> 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

>

> "Very good," said her mother.

> "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.

> "Yes, It's because you're blonde."

>

> The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

> "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and

> all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?

> A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

>

> "Very good," said her mother.

> "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

> "Yes, It's because you're blonde."

>

> The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

> "Mommy Mommy! !" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when
we

> were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have
these!"

> She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36D'S

>

> "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

> "Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"

>

> "No Honey, Its because you're 24."

[Bob_R]

Subject: Fortunate ski trip

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So
they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I
have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she
explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep
in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got
on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected
letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he
finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive
widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do
you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the
night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed
about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of
telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did...why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."


(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?)

[sisca]

Little known Mr. T facts
Current mood: fucking weird!


Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

All that glitters is not gold: If it's not being worn by Mr. T, then it's just jibba jabba, and Mr. T pities the fool who can't tell the difference. This is where the phrase "fool's gold" comes from.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T once beat Mike Tyson in a boxing match with only his left thumb. After the three second match was over, Mr. T pitied Mike Tyson so bad that he began to talk funny.

When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angry look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.

Michael Jackson is the only fool that Mr. T refuses to pity. He finds that it would be insulting to the pity.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.

Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the shit out of a white guy and steal his bitch, A-team style.

Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.

Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.

Like King Midas, everything Mr. T touches turns to gold, even food. Unlike King Midas, Mr. T has learned to ingest gold, like a real man would.

[Sarge's Little Helper]

Little known Mr. T facts
Current mood: fucking weird!


Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

All that glitters is not gold: If it's not being worn by Mr. T, then it's just jibba jabba, and Mr. T pities the fool who can't tell the difference. This is where the phrase "fool's gold" comes from.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T once beat Mike Tyson in a boxing match with only his left thumb. After the three second match was over, Mr. T pitied Mike Tyson so bad that he began to talk funny.

When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angry look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.

Michael Jackson is the only fool that Mr. T refuses to pity. He finds that it would be insulting to the pity.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.

Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the shit out of a white guy and steal his bitch, A-team style.

Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.

Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.

Like King Midas, everything Mr. T touches turns to gold, even food. Unlike King Midas, Mr. T has learned to ingest gold, like a real man would.

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[sisca]

just little known fact about mr t.

[sisca]

1. Chuck Norris lost his virginity exactly 10 minutes before his father.

2. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

3. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

4. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

5. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!

6. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

8. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

9. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

10. One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

11. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

12. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

13. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

14. Every time Chuck Norris throws a roundhouse kick, all women within 5 miles of Chuck immediately achieve orgasm.

15. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

16. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'.

17. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.


18. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

19. Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.

20. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

21. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.




1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2) Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.

5) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he
roundhouse kicks you in the face.

6) Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.


7) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil
in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates
irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.

8) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!"
and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody
throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't FUCK with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred
mile radius of the blast went deaf.

9) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

10) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head
exploded out of sheer amazement.

11) Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.

12) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist. 13) Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a
high school football game. When the football went flat, he
persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3
month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards
through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in
the stadium.

14) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in
disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who
defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could
turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a
single show, however, so it was divided.

15) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

16) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

17) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris
himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very
smart.

----------------------------------------------------------------

[Sarge's Little Helper]

1. Chuck Norris lost his virginity exactly 10 minutes before his father.

2. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

3. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

4. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

5. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!

6. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

8. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

9. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

10. One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

11. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

12. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

13. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

14. Every time Chuck Norris throws a roundhouse kick, all women within 5 miles of Chuck immediately achieve orgasm.

15. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

16. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'.

17. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.


18. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

19. Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.

20. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

21. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.




1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2) Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.

5) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he
roundhouse kicks you in the face.

6) Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.


7) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil
in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates
irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.

8) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!"
and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody
throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't FUCK with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred
mile radius of the blast went deaf.

9) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

10) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head
exploded out of sheer amazement.

11) Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.

12) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist. 13) Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a
high school football game. When the football went flat, he
persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3
month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards
through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in
the stadium.

14) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in
disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who
defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could
turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a
single show, however, so it was divided.

15) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

16) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

17) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris
himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very
smart.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[EbDawson]

Originally posted by Jurak
My wife left me...



I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker maybe a 12 pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"



She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."



I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"



I don't think she'll be back....

[Bob_R]

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,

"I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"

George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a

quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to

act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for

a year! ''

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and

whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."

[Bob_R]

The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.
George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 400 million people very happy."

[Ozzy Fudd]

this joke has a visual

[Ozzy Fudd]

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

An Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In my part of the world we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Texas cowboy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the Mexican and the Arab, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."

GOD BLESS AMERICA

[Bob_R]

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman
replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my
testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

[Douglas T.]

We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!"

"Don't look where?" my brother asked.

"There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!"

[Jurak]

How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 to hijack the thread and ask how to change the horn
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.