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* * * * * SHEEP PEN ANNOUNCEMENT * * * * *
Okay...well, it seems we've gotten past the wave of hatred of the past few days (thanks to a few behind-the-scenes murders) and, thanks for the mods pushing for it, we're getting back on track. And I'm grateful. The Army is a strong place. People say the Links has a lot of censorship and the Army lets anything happen. Well, that's not true. We still have to keep things on track. And I think that's happening. And it's a great thing. So, I'm glad to say that we're back.
On a positive note, the little war of the past few days has at least caused SHEEP PEN post numbers to increase dramatically...of course, shitty posts. But we're at almost fucking 2700 posts!! Yes, fighting over the good of Rothtard Rikki and other supposed "Linkers"...but 700 posts of it.
Now, let's bring it up to 3000 quickly by:
a) bashing sheep
b) talking about why Roth is better than Hagar
c) educating our sheep on why Roth is so great so that they leave the Pen refreshed and wanting to purchase their very first copy of SKYSCRAPER or THE BEST OF DAVID LEE ROTH
Do linkers work in the Pen? Fuck no. Let's look at our Administration Staff for a moment:
BILL LUMBERGH is a good friend, and he absolutely hates Hagar. With his fiery temper and gigantic physique, Bill is capable of tearing a man into pieces with his bare hands. But on several occasions, Bill has set aside his anger during a word-exchange in a bar and, instead of committing manslaughter, he has gone to the nearest TOWER RECORDS retail outlet to purchase a Sammy Hagar album (not easy to find...sometimes his anger stews for weeks while he awaits a special order), just so he could take it outside and smash it to pieces. One dead Redhead CD...and Bill's problems solved. Bill has even commented to the SHEEP PEN press officer, Judge Mills Lane, that he "has found it easier to deal with his intense anger and hatred of morons" by becoming a SHEEP PEN ADMINISTRATOR. Good work, Bill!
MAX (known as PIXIE to his closest friends) was known as OU812MAX at the Links. This was actually a joke. Look into it. PM him and ask him. He hated Hagar more than most humans on Earth do. One of his only moments of weakness (or ignorance) occurred in 1986 when he visited the Salt Lake City tour date of the 5150 tour (yes, he also saw the EAT 'EM AND SMILE tour the same year), which he called "the worst night of my life...after the show several of us went out to the high school football field and attempted group suicide...thank God, the only guy who died was the guy that actually liked the show." MAX was only 15, so give him a break. He moved on to see (for free) the RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW tour in 1993 and left halfway through VH's set after enjoying the openers. The band onstage called "Van Halen" disgusted him so much that he went out and bought a sawed-off shotgun and killed fifteen Ched-heads in Dave's honor that night. Some call it pretty drastic. We call it "understandable". In fact, it is rumored that this crime (for which the judge, wearing a 1984 t-shirt, declared that MAX should serve no time) is what got MAX his mod job at the Army.
LOU has been a mod at the Army for 17 years, and is very proud of his work. "It's been hard dealing with my mod job, Sheep Pen Administrator job and extreme sexual issues all at the same time," LOU declares, "but I get out a lot of sexual frustration by throwing a sheep like SCUBAA into the Pen. In fact, my halfway house has seen the Pen as a good thing and is even considering giving me a release two years early!" Intense masturbating and steady sheep abuse has helped LOU realize his dream of becoming a high school janitor while still living at the halfway house. With his sexual problems behind him, LOU hopes to have the High School Gym fully scrubbed by the end of this semester! Rikki (also unemployed and under government supervision for sexual deviance) has declared that he will help his friend clean the gym in his time of trouble. Good job, LOU!!
BUENO BOB is the Pen's newest Administrator. A severe alcoholic and psychotic, we chose BOB for his enforcement skills. He is adept at cracking a man's head open without waking the neighbors, as well as destroying an entire Sammy Hagar CD collection (including the 65% out-of-print titles) in three seconds with an AK47 Assault Rifle. He has recently locked heads with several Army sheep, including TONGUE-IN-ASS and the previously-mentioned SCUBAA. Look for BOB's book about his affair with Sheep Pen press officer Judge Mills Lane to be released by Random House soon, titled: BUENO AND MILLS: I CAN'T STOP LOVIN' YOU, BITCH.
RIKK was known at the Links as "Rothtard Rikki". He also was known for secretly listening to Van Hagar so that he could insult Hagar fans for two years even though he secretly loves them before invading the Army with his Pen of evil so that he could take over first the Army and then the world!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! After failing at this, he decided to be honest in his write-up on himself and instead remembered January 1984...the month his life pretty much changed. JUMP appeared on the CHUM 30 top videos show, and nine-year old "Rikki" jumped off the couch and declared: "Who is that?" He soon saved up his allowance money and purchased 1984, trading Roth barbs with friends in his schoolyard. RIKKi was later sent to a mental institution in 1985 after discovering that Roth had been replaced by Sammy Hagar. He was a changed man after leaving, loving his beloved Roth and also purchasing as many Japanese copies of BALANCE as Asia could print! After leaving the Links (under suspicion of sexual harassing the humorous and engaging Links mascot Eddymon), RIKKi moved over to the Army and with the help of his friends MAX and BILL, opened the SHEEP PEN.
People, it is time to get back on track and start talking Roth and shearing sheep!!!
I propose SCOTT TORONTO (or whatever his name is). My good friends DAN and others have also propsed this man be given his Lamb License. Thoughts?
*EDITED BY MAX* diamondsgirl deserves special props and all of us backroom boys better salute for her cos SHE is the one who has been requesting "Scott Toronto" for over a week!!!! The Pen owes her an extreme debt of gratitude for getting this thread back on track!!!!!!
On behalf of the pen, we thank you DG. Roth On!!!!
Okay...well, it seems we've gotten past the wave of hatred of the past few days (thanks to a few behind-the-scenes murders) and, thanks for the mods pushing for it, we're getting back on track. And I'm grateful. The Army is a strong place. People say the Links has a lot of censorship and the Army lets anything happen. Well, that's not true. We still have to keep things on track. And I think that's happening. And it's a great thing. So, I'm glad to say that we're back.
On a positive note, the little war of the past few days has at least caused SHEEP PEN post numbers to increase dramatically...of course, shitty posts. But we're at almost fucking 2700 posts!! Yes, fighting over the good of Rothtard Rikki and other supposed "Linkers"...but 700 posts of it.
Now, let's bring it up to 3000 quickly by:
a) bashing sheep
b) talking about why Roth is better than Hagar
c) educating our sheep on why Roth is so great so that they leave the Pen refreshed and wanting to purchase their very first copy of SKYSCRAPER or THE BEST OF DAVID LEE ROTH
Do linkers work in the Pen? Fuck no. Let's look at our Administration Staff for a moment:
BILL LUMBERGH is a good friend, and he absolutely hates Hagar. With his fiery temper and gigantic physique, Bill is capable of tearing a man into pieces with his bare hands. But on several occasions, Bill has set aside his anger during a word-exchange in a bar and, instead of committing manslaughter, he has gone to the nearest TOWER RECORDS retail outlet to purchase a Sammy Hagar album (not easy to find...sometimes his anger stews for weeks while he awaits a special order), just so he could take it outside and smash it to pieces. One dead Redhead CD...and Bill's problems solved. Bill has even commented to the SHEEP PEN press officer, Judge Mills Lane, that he "has found it easier to deal with his intense anger and hatred of morons" by becoming a SHEEP PEN ADMINISTRATOR. Good work, Bill!
MAX (known as PIXIE to his closest friends) was known as OU812MAX at the Links. This was actually a joke. Look into it. PM him and ask him. He hated Hagar more than most humans on Earth do. One of his only moments of weakness (or ignorance) occurred in 1986 when he visited the Salt Lake City tour date of the 5150 tour (yes, he also saw the EAT 'EM AND SMILE tour the same year), which he called "the worst night of my life...after the show several of us went out to the high school football field and attempted group suicide...thank God, the only guy who died was the guy that actually liked the show." MAX was only 15, so give him a break. He moved on to see (for free) the RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW tour in 1993 and left halfway through VH's set after enjoying the openers. The band onstage called "Van Halen" disgusted him so much that he went out and bought a sawed-off shotgun and killed fifteen Ched-heads in Dave's honor that night. Some call it pretty drastic. We call it "understandable". In fact, it is rumored that this crime (for which the judge, wearing a 1984 t-shirt, declared that MAX should serve no time) is what got MAX his mod job at the Army.
LOU has been a mod at the Army for 17 years, and is very proud of his work. "It's been hard dealing with my mod job, Sheep Pen Administrator job and extreme sexual issues all at the same time," LOU declares, "but I get out a lot of sexual frustration by throwing a sheep like SCUBAA into the Pen. In fact, my halfway house has seen the Pen as a good thing and is even considering giving me a release two years early!" Intense masturbating and steady sheep abuse has helped LOU realize his dream of becoming a high school janitor while still living at the halfway house. With his sexual problems behind him, LOU hopes to have the High School Gym fully scrubbed by the end of this semester! Rikki (also unemployed and under government supervision for sexual deviance) has declared that he will help his friend clean the gym in his time of trouble. Good job, LOU!!
BUENO BOB is the Pen's newest Administrator. A severe alcoholic and psychotic, we chose BOB for his enforcement skills. He is adept at cracking a man's head open without waking the neighbors, as well as destroying an entire Sammy Hagar CD collection (including the 65% out-of-print titles) in three seconds with an AK47 Assault Rifle. He has recently locked heads with several Army sheep, including TONGUE-IN-ASS and the previously-mentioned SCUBAA. Look for BOB's book about his affair with Sheep Pen press officer Judge Mills Lane to be released by Random House soon, titled: BUENO AND MILLS: I CAN'T STOP LOVIN' YOU, BITCH.
RIKK was known at the Links as "Rothtard Rikki". He also was known for secretly listening to Van Hagar so that he could insult Hagar fans for two years even though he secretly loves them before invading the Army with his Pen of evil so that he could take over first the Army and then the world!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! After failing at this, he decided to be honest in his write-up on himself and instead remembered January 1984...the month his life pretty much changed. JUMP appeared on the CHUM 30 top videos show, and nine-year old "Rikki" jumped off the couch and declared: "Who is that?" He soon saved up his allowance money and purchased 1984, trading Roth barbs with friends in his schoolyard. RIKKi was later sent to a mental institution in 1985 after discovering that Roth had been replaced by Sammy Hagar. He was a changed man after leaving, loving his beloved Roth and also purchasing as many Japanese copies of BALANCE as Asia could print! After leaving the Links (under suspicion of sexual harassing the humorous and engaging Links mascot Eddymon), RIKKi moved over to the Army and with the help of his friends MAX and BILL, opened the SHEEP PEN.
People, it is time to get back on track and start talking Roth and shearing sheep!!!
I propose SCOTT TORONTO (or whatever his name is). My good friends DAN and others have also propsed this man be given his Lamb License. Thoughts?
*EDITED BY MAX* diamondsgirl deserves special props and all of us backroom boys better salute for her cos SHE is the one who has been requesting "Scott Toronto" for over a week!!!! The Pen owes her an extreme debt of gratitude for getting this thread back on track!!!!!!
On behalf of the pen, we thank you DG. Roth On!!!!
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