The Sheep Pen

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Redballjets88
i feel like a retard here amongst people that actually know whats up and they are down with it

You learn from frequent bitch-slapping!:D

[Redballjets88]

ill take it

[Rikk]

* * * * * SHEEP PEN ANNOUNCEMENT * * * * *

Well, the Pen has truly been mightier than my sword the past little while (though recent cyber excurisions and backdoor IM insinuations have proved me a sex god). Furthermore, that mother fucking Sith BUENO BOB, a tough sumbitch moving up in the world, has been taking on Pen responsibilities on every front in an effort to usurp me. I have already ordered him killed because my greatness comes from great insecurity and I feel threatened...:p Just kidding. BOB is indeed the Pen's greatest badass these days, and we are all immensely proud of him...well, except for MATT, who pm'd me yesterday with:



Sorry MATT, but BOB ain't going anywhere.

Anyway, the reason I ramble on to the Pen's disciples this fine morning when I should be working is that we've decided to give the Pen Administration Staff number two digits. That's right...ten Admins, for the first time. And there are one or two possible additions already being pondered as we speak. But this addition is the first time I've felt good about an addition in a while because adding VANZILLA or ACADEMIC PUNK were both giant mistakes because they are among the most hated posters at the Army. I hate ACADEMIC PUNK so much that sometimes I feel a heart-attacking coming on. During those moments, I have to go back and look at old archival FABULOUS SHADOW posts or cyber-transcripts in order to smile, feel good and prevent the heart attack from killing me. And VANZILLA is a real sorry sack of shit who will die when I hit him again and again and then some more. Cunt.

Anyway, who is the new Pen Admin, Rikk (you ask)? Well, he's the last one on this list. He is a highly-respected member of this site. He's a great friend of mine and a great friend to many others at this site. And he is also an excellent mod.

I give you your new SHEEP PEN Administration Staff...



RIKK

RIKK is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. His friendliness knows no bounds. His caring and brush-off nature is legendary in these parts. Well-respected and highly-intellectual poster VH LINKS SUCKS once called him: "Maybe the nicest person I've ever come across on the internet." Super-stable, clean-body advocate and banned in every single way poster PETE calls RIKK: "Maybe my best friend in real life. I can't believe how well we've always gotten along. He is so great, it just makes me so happy thinking about how good we've been for each other. Just a fantastic human being that I can't envision anyone having a problem with. One reason I envy him so much is that his songs don't suck the way mine do." RIKK currently resides in Iwo Jima and enjoys Sugar-Free Rice Krispie Treats. Word is, ladies, that he looks just like ROBERT DOWNEY JR. He is a Priest of the Church of ALAN THE PANTHER, the greatest of all the panthers.



MATT WHITE

MATT WHITE is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He began swimming when he was seventeen and is currently a world class swimmer and athlete. He is also the inventer of the two-second handjob and has killed four people with a hammer. His other PEN members praise him...BILL LUMBERGH: "When I think of MATT WHITE, I think of how much one person can hate another sorry sack of shit. Fuck him and his argumentative bullshit." BUENO BOB: "MATT is so fucking argumentative that it makes me so angry. I get so mad I want to hit him with a pool cue until he's dead and then hit him some more. I need fruit roll-ups and my dick is itchy. Larg!!" MATT currently resides on SHANNON DOHERTY's front lawn and is hoping to "tell her off" for quitting SCARE TACTICS when she was at her career peak. He is the coiner of the phrase: "Bring me the head of STEPHEN BALDWIN." Did I mention that he likes making fun of smelly gunts?



BILL LUMBERGH

BILL LUMBERGH is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is unique among the SHEEP PEN Administration Staff in that he is the only open homosexual. BILL: "I love being gay. I feel so strong being with another man that it inspires me to go out and buy bagels. I love water sports. It makes me feel like I'm inside another man." BILL began collecting GEORGE MICHAEL memorabilia in the mid-80s and followed GEORGE's early concert career from arena to arena as a Whamhead. PANAMARK: "I hate BILL LUMBERGH. There are sorry sons of bitches, and then there's BILL. When he tries to convince me that GEORGE MICHAEL has even half the talent BOY GEORGE has, I want to vomit up the secretions of the three wives I ate out last night." BILL currently resides in Dover, Delaware and is looking for work for the next three months until MICHAEL-ATHON 2005 this summer, after which he expects to spend the Fall in jail for jumping on George during his Q&A session at the Delaware convention. His greatest trait is that he never goes on breaks from the Army. He's always around...24 hours a day, 7 days a week...in stereo.



NICK D FRESH

NICK D FRESH is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is a trouble-making buffoon that only joined the SHEEP PEN because RIKK was intending to PM the well-respected poster DIAMOND DEN to offer him the gig but he sent the PM to NICK instead. NICK is not very intelligent and he didn't understand why the PM was addressed to DIAMOND D. He assumed that the "DIAMOND D" greeting was RIKK's playful way of substituting the word "DIAMOND" for "NICK", which people would only do if discussing the jewel-like qualities of the music of NICK CARTER. NICK repsonded enthusiastically with the following PM to RIKK: "Fuck yes! I have nothing else in my life to look forward to. It's so empty and black. In fact, I was about to kill myself until you offered me this job, RIKK." RIKK took pity on the pool fool and gave him the job, though what he does around here, we don't know. His dick is shrinking and he has more friends than Ted Bundy did just before his execution. NICK currently resides in Peking and eats two gerbils a day. He's an aerobic trainer every other week. He's also very left-wing and thus will get along splendidly with our new Pen Admin.



BUENO BOB

BUENO BOB is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. GARY COLEMAN once said of him: "Dat mudda is fat! So fukkin' fat!!" ALAN THICKE agrees: "The Army is a great place. But BUENO BOB is the greatest thing about it. Without him, the place would be shit." "I consider myself a sexual man," BOB says. "My sexual prowess knows no bounds. I wake up in the morning and play with my lightsaber. Then, while I'm showering (every four mornings), I close my eyes, use the 'force', and play with my lightsaber again. I like watching recent films with cinema greats like KIRK CAMERON or TRACEY GOLD, and then I begin to play with my lightsaber. It goes on for hours...the perfect circle. Who's scruffy looking? Not this piece of Sith." ALAN THE PANTHER once said of BUENO BOB: "Larg! I hate BUENO BOB. There are sorry sons of bitches, and then there's BOB." BOB has many hates in his life. One is STAR WARS and the other is sheep. But he joined the SHEEP PEN because he thought we like to make fun of real farm sheep...you know, the kind with real wool and everything. BOB's IQ was last reported at 68. He currently resides in JAKE'S DINER out on ROUTE 64 by GRAHAM'S WORMS AND AMMO. He is also the first ALAN THE PANTHER priest to bring the very famous and very respected religion of Larg into the ALAN church. RIKK, high-priest of ALAN, says: "Larg."



POOP BOY

TJVHOU812 is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. Known to his friends and many lovers as POOP BOY, he joined the Army in the summer and was actually a SHEEP OF THE WEEK. His incessant love of all things SAMMY HAGAR, plus his knows-no-bounds stupidity made him a quick target of RIKK and his friends' "pick-on-the-smaller-person" level of fighting. RIKK: "I like to pick on people I can beat because that's the kind of integrity I possess. I also like kicking people when they're down. That's really what the Pen is all about...beating the stupid." For some reason, the PEN gang realized that POOP BOY was really one of them, and (demonstrating their insanity) they decided to have him join the Administration Staff. NICK: "POOP BOY joining the Pen was probably the greatest day of my life." DLR7884: "When I joined the Pen, POOP BOY was there to greet me with open arms. It was so fucking gay and annoying that I hit him until he bled and was crying. Then I hit him again and again until he stopped making any noise. And then I hit him some more. I hate him." POOP BOY says of his Pen status: "Being in the PEN is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. It is so great that sometimes at night, I just can't believe my luck. My life is complete, and it's all because of the SHEEP PEN. Wow...I am just so happy, I can tell you. Gosh." POOP BOY currently resides in Nashville and is working on his second album, I Think I'll Get Drunk and Then Go Home and Hit Her.



DLR7884

DLR7884 is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is also the picture of non-judgmental, calm and loving behavior. "I am at one with the world. My karma is with the Lord, and I cannot accept that there is not good in every single soul I come across. I like to look for the good in everybody. If someone insults me, I say, 'Hey, let's work this out, brother.' I love you like I love all my brothers around the world." Ever since joining the Pen, he has had major issues with the way Pen staff get involved in fights at every step of the way. His avatar speaks peace, and he has wanted RIKK to know that fighting is not the way to solve the ARMY's problems. DLR7884: "I can't believe how much fighting goes on. And I want no part of it. I'm here to help people." His love for FABULOUS SHADOW and VH LINKS SUCKS also knows no bounds. "I love them...like they are my siblings. They are beautiful human beings. Their insanity and complete separation from the real world in their heads is part of their charm. The day they die will be a great day for everyone, but at least I'll remember the good times..." DLR7884 resides in Detroit where he leads an idyllic country life.



ACADEMIC PUNK

ACADEMIC PUNK is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. His joining the SHEEP PEN was a natural step because the coolest posters need some place to congregate and be cool and pretend they're bigger than they really are in real life. ACADEMIC PUNK: "I'm a loser in real life. I've never worked. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm a virgin (sound familiar). I live at home and can't even read very well. My family hates me and I hate myself. Basically, I'm exactly like RIKK. He is such a fucking loser. So is POOP BOY. So is NICK. So is MATT. So is BILL. So is 7884. So is VANZILLA. So is BOB. They're all losers. RIKK asked me to join because he said having a Pen and fighting with other internet losers brings about the kind of mental stability and ego-stabilization that I could afford if I were employed and had a good health plan and were literate. I'm so thankful for the opportunity." BILL has called ACADEMIC PUNK "maybe the greatest friend of my life. I get hard when I think of him." AP is a guy that is such a fucking bleeding asshole, BILL was looking for him just the other night to ask if he could fuck him again for seconds. ACADEMIC PUNK currently resides at home where he has learned to read the names of the games on the display covers of his older brother Leon's Playstation Games. He was recently missing for three weeks, and just before his return home (where he was apparently suffering from an attack by several chickens, he was being discussed on LARRY KING LIVE. Celebrities were quoting him...Jane Fonda was fond of this one: "FUCK YOU, YOU CUNT!!! I'LL KILL YOU, GOAT FUCKING DOG-LICKER!!!" Larry King was playing old clips and telling his viewers: "AP...one of the great ones. Let's pray he comes home safe." AP was also recently excited to learn that Army Poster IMAPUSSYLICKER is actually a woman! This excited RIKK too, and now AP and RIKK are fighting over her.



VANZILLA

VANZILLA only joined the Pen because he sent RIKK a cheque for $50. RIKK: "I didn't want him in there. But how could I say no to $50? I mean, that's liquor money for one weekend for me. I have no values or integrity. I don't work, think, live, do anything, except get drunk every weekend. And VAN's $50 sure made me fucking happy and I don't care if the whole SHEEP PEN goes down the shitter just so I can lose consciousness a couple of times over a so-called 'week end' when the rest of my week isn't anything either. I also intend on taking up VAN's entire profile talking about myself..." VAN hails from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. He was one of the first young Africans fed by Bob Geldof's LIVE AID tribute in 1985. VANZILLA: "Basically, I was lying on the ground eating sand, and Bob Geldof, Bono and Sting ran over a sand dune and shoved rice and bananas in my mouth. I hadn't eaten a proper meal for weeks, and first I threw up and then my stomach exploded. I was dead for 14 minutes until Phil Collins revived me with mouth-to-mouth. It was at this moment, hearing him whisper 'Su-su-sudio' in my ear, that I realized that I'm gay. I decided, 20 years later, to join the SHEEP PEN." VAN now runs a sand farm in New York State and wishes death upon Sally Struthers every day.



...and our latest addition:

WARHAM

WARHAM is the Army's best photoshopper. He is also among RIKK's best friends at the site. Of course, once NICK found out that WARHAM was being added to the staff, he tried to have RIKK killed in a coup before the move could take place. The attempt on RIKK's life was successful, and RIKK is plenty pissed off. "I'll get him for that! He'll definitely never try that again!" RIKK promises. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, WARHAM was made a new SHEEP PEN Admin. WARHAM: "I can see myself doing many things when I join the Pen. First off, the Pen will now be about right-wing values and politics. And NICK better be in-line with them or I'll kill him. Second, I love cyber sex. I say that all the Pen Admins start having as much cyber sex as possible and then once a month, we can publish the transcripts of the best experiences. My recent cyber sex with beloved Army poster FASTER PUSSYCUNT...er...CAT is sure to be notorious and will bring erections to Rotharmy posters galore." WARHAM is indeed a funny and crazy guy. Having him join the Pen will make us even more dangerous. The SHEEP will have much to fear. The enemies of the state will have much to fear. Even ALAN is worried. The PEN is so strong right now that my dick is envious...even when FAB and I are IM'ing. So, let's turn it over to WARHAM and quote him speaking of recent Army matters through our lovely and popular STAR GUNT theme...

Originally posted by Warham
A few hours ago on a forum dedicated to a legendary frontman...

::cue John Williams score::

It is a period of Roth Army war. Fraudulent IM's, striking from a suspicious IP, have been posted against the cunning Sheep Pen Leader RIKK. During the battle, Roth Army mods managed to discover the real leader behind the attack, FLAB, a sprawling mass of flesh with enough pussy stank to destroy an entire planet. PETE, FLAB's drunk agent, races home to log in, hopeful to score some cyber from the gunt and chug down a 40 ouncer...

WELCOME ABOARD, WARHAM!!!!!!!!!!

[Rikk]

VANZILLA, we're still waiting for that logo!!

[vanzilla]

Originally posted by Rikk
VANZILLA, we're still waiting for that logo!!

Shit man - I've only been to work 1 day in the past 2 weeks. I totally forgot all about it. Sorry bro. I'll see what the guys in art have whipped up. I hope they haven't forgotten about it because they've been slammed because we're in a ratings period.

[vanzilla]

Congrats Warham...but if I were you - I'd be pissed at Rikk for posting his picture of Fab and claiming it was you. That's bullshit Rikk! Take it back!

As long as we don't talk politics or religion, I think we'll be fine!!!!

Welcome aboard my friend. A great addition indeed!

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Rikk
* * * * * SHEEP PEN ANNOUNCEMENT * * * * *



WARHAM

WARHAM is the Army's best photoshopper. He is also among RIKK's best friends at the site. Of course, once NICK found out that WARHAM was being added to the staff, he tried to have RIKK killed in a coup before the move could take place. The attempt on RIKK's life was successful, and RIKK is plenty pissed off. "I'll get him for that! He'll definitely never try that again!" RIKK promises. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, WARHAM was made a new SHEEP PEN Admin. WARHAM: "I can see myself doing many things when I join the Pen. First off, the Pen will now be about right-wing values and politics. And NICK better be in-line with them or I'll kill him. Second, I love cyber sex. I say that all the Pen Admins start having as much cyber sex as possible and then once a month, we can publish the transcripts of the best experiences. My recent cyber sex with beloved Army poster FASTER PUSSYCUNT...er...CAT is sure to be notorious and will bring erections to Rotharmy posters galore." WARHAM is indeed a funny and crazy guy. Having him join the Pen will make us even more dangerous. The SHEEP will have much to fear. The enemies of the state will have much to fear. Even ALAN is worried. The PEN is so strong right now that my dick is envious...even when FAB and I are IM'ing. So, let's turn it over to WARHAM and quote him speaking of recent Army matters through our lovely and popular STAR GUNT theme...

WELCOME ABOARD, WARHAM!!!!!!!!!!

Well RIKK, you're just lucky that you are the master of counter-coups or I would have wasted your ass! Now I am going to send your photo to FAB and give her your phone number, and I am also going to inform her where your nephews and nieces go to school!

And finally RIKKI, I am post all those sexy IM's between you and lms2
where you promise to give her an orgasm through auto-erotic asphyxiation!

Welcome to the SHEEP PEN WARHAM, my attempted coup against RIKK had nothing to do with your induction, we just enjoy trying to kill one another from time to time. It's sort of like a dangerous game not unlike Russian Roulette, or having sex with FAB without a condom and an adequate supply of anti-biotics!

[bueno bob]

Welcome aboard, War! Our power has doubled here, now...

[Matt White]

WARHAM


Welcome to the FUNHOUSE!!!
:D

[bueno bob]

We need more sheep here...we've been too quiet this week...

[Vinnie Velvet]

Well, this is the first time I came in here.

I like the idea of the 'Sheep Pen'.

It was long overdue.

[Warham]

Well, I just don't know what to say. I'm choked up with emotion right now....er...yes, that's it...with emotion.

The Archbishop of Photoshop® and the Right-Wing of the Army® has now also taken on the role of Sheep Pen Cuntservative®. It will be my future job to keep all you liberals here in line. I'm looking at you, Nick. :D

With my membership among the admins complete, I have also decided to turn to the Dark Side and become BUENO BOB's hairy-palmed right-hand man and new apprentice. I look forward to completing my training. With RIKK, the cackling Emperor, and BOB, the Pen Lord, instilling the awe-inspiring Sheep Pen Code of Conduct® in my veins, my power to use Photoshop and remember useless Star Wars trivia will double!

I bow to all of your wisdom and look forward to many, many shearings together.

Long live the Pen!

WARHAM :D

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Warham
I bow to all of your wisdom and look forward to many, many shearings together.

Long live the Pen!

WARHAM :D

Inspiring words! Warham is the GRATEST addition to the Sheep Pen since...me!

:D

All will tremble before our mighty powers!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Redballjets88]

sweet ass sweet congrats war

[bueno bob]

Is the Death Squad still on vacation?