A Question For The Guys

[Northern Girl]

OK…I asked this question here many years ago and never got a serious answer, and I still want to know…since there’s a new breed of opinions here, I will ask again.

Guys,

When you are out at a bar and you send (per bartender) me a drink, what’s on your mind; what are you hoping for? Considering you don’t know jack about me, I need to know what provokes this method.

Are you trying to be a big shot? Just being nice and you think this will impress me? Are you afraid to come and talk to me? Are you shy/intimidated/insecure and this is your passive way of seeing if I’m interested in you and will come over and talk to you?

What if I want to refuse it because I’m not available or I’m not interested or I’ve had my “I don’t drink and drive” limit already or I’m looking to swing the other way tonight or I know I’m leaving shortly, etc?

Would you prefer I give you the smile and thank you nod and accept it anyway even if I have above reason(s) or would you rather be embarrassed in front of your friends when the bartenders brings it back?

If I refuse it are you going to pull a Ted Bundy and put my picture up on your basement wall and masturbate to it whilst simultaneously pulling whiskers out of a kitten?

What goes through your mind?

Current and past bartenders please contribute too as you have been the liaison in this transaction and you can shed some light for me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not criticizing or anything. It's just a very uncomfortable position to be put in and I don't really know what to do sometimes...it would help to know your side.

[Anonymous]

I thought that only happened in films?

I imagine that IS awkward for the girl.

If I want to get into your pants, I'll talk to you FIRST, and THEN, if you're receptive, buy you a drink.

It doesn't rule out the putting your picture up in my basement & masturbate furiously, though I don't have a cat. Or a basement.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Dan]

Buying A Lady a Drink Is Just One way Of Saying Hello.If She Doesnt want the Drink Then Fine,I will Drink It.:D

[Northern Girl]

Buying A Lady a Drink Is Just One way Of Saying Hello.If She Doesnt want the Drink Then Fine,I will Drink It.:D

So, she should refuse it?

[Dan]

So, she should refuse it?

Only If She Doesnt Want To Speak To The Guy.:D

[kwame k]

I thought buying a girl a drink went out with....."Hey babe, what's your sign?"

[Dan]

Or Your name Must be Candy Cos You Look So Sweet.:D

[kwame k]

An oldie......

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

[Northern Girl]

So, this must just be a shy guy thing. Which, of course, none of you are.

[Sensible Shoes]

I just say thanks with a little wave and enjoy the drink. You've opened the door, it you want to come over and talk, fine. We'll go from there. If you're a jerk, I don't owe you anything.

[Anonymous]

So, this must just be a shy guy thing. Which, of course, none of you are.

Nah, a shy guy wouldn't have the balls to pull that.

I find it really weird, I really believed it was only something you see in films, but never happens in real life.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Sensible Shoes]

Nah, it still happens. Even at my advanced age.

[kwame k]

I've bought drinks after I started chatting up a lady but never just bought a random chick a drink.......I can't even remember any of my friends doing that either.

Before I buy a drink for a woman I want to know if I'm wasting my time/money.......with the amount of alcohol I can consume every penny counts

[Panamark]

I've never randomly bought a woman a drink. I think most answers here are on the money.

If you actually strike up a conversation and the chick seems to be warming to you, yeah
that's when you let her buy you one !

Actually, I can't recall buying drinks for any women who were not my partner or friend ?

I guess you could always eyeball the dude and if he isn't
your type instruct the bartender to take the drink back to the sender with a message
like "Thank you, what a lovely gesture but I've always promised my partner that I wouldn't
accept drinks from strangers, but thanks all the same" or something along those lines ??

If you eyeball the dude and like him, well I guess raise the glass in his direction
and tell the bartender to thank the dude...

Trying to help, but really I've never actually been involved in that type of scenario ?

[hambon4lif]

The whole problem with this 'sending a drink' approach is that it's prehistoric. It's highly unlikely that you'll even see an attractive woman sitting by herself in a bar anymore, and any guy that would send you a drink is either too-old-fashioned & shy (to the point where it's a fault), or a complete and total asshole who thinks that by you accepting the drink, they've been given the greenlight to come over to you and engage in conversation......

The entire thing is ass-backwards.....and you have to blame the fathers who've told their sons that this shit would actually work. Also, the thing about accepting the drink creates the misconception that you're obligated to talk to them, or even worse, that you can be bought. It strictly depends on what's going through the mind of the dude that sent you the drink....and because women are more intelligent than we are, I give them the benefit of the doubt as far as being able to know the difference just by looking at them.

Maybe it's just me, but if there was that rare occurance where I saw a woman sitting by herself that caught my eye, I'd go right up to her and say anything outrageously funny and hoping she would laugh or at least smile. If that leads to conversation, fine. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I don't take offense if it doesn't and she tells me to 'fuck off'...(believe it or not, as charming and good-looking as I am, this happens frequently....even to me).
Conversation is the starting point.....you can build on a conversation. It should be all you can expect....

"Sending a drink" to break the ice is not only outdated, it can just as easily send the wrong signals....