A Rant From Krusty

[WARF]

Whatever you say, KristyMachine.

[fraroc]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/415707529.html



Enjoy.....

Rants and Confessions from a Denver Escort
Date: 2007-09-06, 3:21PM MDT
First and Foremost: I work for the President (Ummm the light bulb inventor) Benjamin Franklin�.

Rants from an upscale Denver Escort who started at the bottom�the agency�.
P.S Anyone writing me hate notes after reading this....then it must apply to you, and if you are the wife of one of these idiots and bitter...I am sorry...we are all a little bitter.
This is a rant that has built up over the course of a year, and that must now be said. I cost too much for the freaks to seek me out now�. And I may run across you guys again�but you are memorable�enough for me to seek therapy anyways.

On with the RANTS!

Issue #1:

I have to voice this in the loudest possible way because I STILL get it�and I quote �I�m only here to please you, tell me what you like�that�s all I want�� barf, barf, barf�.If you gave me what I wanted it would be 5 bills and your back, on the way out the door. Why are clients SO damn concerned with �making me cum�? The fact that they say they are only there to please me really really annoys the shit out of me. They are there to masturbate into me, and this is VERY different, ladies and gentlemen, from making love with your significant other. So guy�s please who the fuck are you kidding? We are emotional creatures, and just a little more complicated then just you plugging away at us and expecting for us to �cum�. Gross

Let�s just say ENOUGH with the solemn face and �serious talk� after the session. You insisted I not put a raincoat on you when my mouth went down to the unknown, we wore protection (as I always do), and yet after the session you say �I�m OK right��?.....your clean?� Let�s define �clean� as you put it. Do I take showers everyday? Yes. Do I get STD tested every 3 months? Yes. Do I always use condoms? Yes. Did I see 10 other clients that same week or even day as you? Yes. And 98% all went down on me. Now, even if I was completely honest with you, I can almost swear all those guys I saw in just this last week were not completely honest with me. Do I know this and still take the risk? Yes, and I am still an escort. I know stats, and educate myself immensly on health safety issues�sounds like you don�t but still see me�.hmmmm�there has to be some level of responsibility that you take on when you see me�.GET IT FUCK STICK?

NO, you cannot fuck me without a condom. (Fact: I get this question about 1/50 people)�And needless to say THAT IS FUCKING GROSS! How many other escorts have you asked this question, that actually LET YOU!!?? You know what this means to me? That you have NOTHING to lose�as in for example �well shit I have _________(insert v.d here) already so why the hell not?� and that is fucking scary.

Fact: 90% of the men I see ARE married. (and quite honestly we probably make them better husbands, there wives don�t have to fuck them�they pay us�everyone is happy!)

And I quote again � I�m married�..is that ok?� Why would it matter fuckstick? It�s preferred. It hopefully means you have a life and will leave me the fuck alone after the session. Plus, how insulting is that question. As if I escort to find meaningful relationships with trustworthy men. Note to every dumb shit out there�.I am not looking for single men to date, better if you are involved.

I don�t care if other girls like it or �actually prefer it� (or that bullshit line you are feeding me), you CANNOT cum on my face, around it, in my mouth, or even near it. Put your legs up on the wall and flip them by your head, that way you can shoot it at your own face ya dip shit.

To the guys who have escorts girlfriends: Quit fucking acting like you have me all figured out. Do not lump me into the category of your trashy escort girlfriend who charges $200/hr. for full service. And goes by the handle �_________(insert name here) of Denver�. I charge $500 minimum now, because after the year of being at the bottom I now understand my self worth. She has been in the business 10 years and you think she is a top provider�..quit making me laugh. My chosen name also has a bit more thought process to it�.then debbie does denver. Do not think you �know� the escort community. If you and her have fucked up underlying problems because you know she fucks SOO MANY guys (gotta make those dollars) to support your loser ass�well don�t take it out on me. You�re a fuckin idiot.

Ok guys, hygiene talk. Your breath smells of dog shit, maybe you know who you are�maybe not. BUT Guys please please please brush your teeth, wear deordant. Also when we are in missionary and your fat, short, bald-headed self is sweating to death on top of me, remember, I don�t like it you have no hair to refrain your sweat from falling in my god damn face. Drape a sweat towel over your shoulders, that way when your half-way done jacking off inside me you can wipe your face and save me from your disgusting sweat fluids dropping all over my face!

Farting is disgusting and unacceptable on my part, but�then why do you do it? How fucking old or drunk are you that you don�t even say excuse me when you break wind?? Next time one of you assholes tries to lick my ass again, I�m cutting one loose. I already told you to keep your fingers and tounge out of my ass (for your own good, I have irritable bowel syndrome, no joking) but yet you persist. My IBS is so bad sometimes. I do have gas and bloat myself to hold it and, it does not help you are prying down there. SO just try not to be such an asshole.

Oh yes�.dry fingers HURT. Did you actually think over the last 2 minutes you gave me a wet slicky down there? Once I saw you I knew only alcohol would get me remotely turned on, and since you provided NONE of that, stop trying to shove your dry ass fingers in my gine. It�s called Lube, fuck stick.

I HATE HATE HATE men which big lizard size dicks. You could say I have a smaller vagina, or even a short canal. But I have been split before while you ram away and it puts me out of work for at least a week. Your blacklisted you fuck heads, I don�t like to be gutted or feel like my insides are bruising while you pound away with that meaty cock of yours. I hate you. If you came in 2 minutes, I think I would be fine�.BUT noooo your stupid ass must have taken viagara so you could �last� the ENTIRE goddamn time. Listen asshole, no one fucks the ENTIRE time. It�s not normal. If they did my pussy would fucking fall off�.all you big guys out there..you only get 2 minutes before I become hostile. How about if I beat your dick off lubeless with a piece of sandpaper for 60minutes�how would you like that? Fuck you guys.

Wait, the all time favorite hilarious priceless quote � Let�s go on a REAL date sometime�..� does that mean you want to hang out with me for free?......ha��ha�..ha�.(choke)�.ha�.ha�I�m choking how hard I�m laughing� Anyways, moving on..

Since we talked about big dicks, lets talk about limp dicks�.nothing wrong with �em, they are cute little guys. However, the limp dick and I come at odds when you are still attempting to thrust inside me and the condom is falling off. Thus leaving it inside me. Just STOP, don�t fucking try anymore. Its not going to happen and I don�t want ANY piece of your dick skin touching me at all down there. Would you like a hand job?

And that brings me to my next point, why do you have to thrust sooo deep that you go past the shaft part of the condom? I rolled that baby down as far as I could and you still want your disgusting dick skin to touch me somehow. Just STOP, your dick doesn�t get longer the more you shove it in! You are just annoying me.

For the guys who want to �see my face� picture before I meet them, knowing very well I don�t show my face on the website. Fuck off. I have a fucking beautiful face and I KNOW it. Everyone loves my face, maybe too much. It is how I am successful and can pull in 5,000 a week. If I had a butt ass ugly face like you do, do you think I would still be charging $500 for the fuckin hour? I KNOW my face and general appearance is fuckin fantastic and I use it to my advantage.

Sure you can make out with my foot for an hour. No I will not wrap a rubber band around your penis head several times to help you not cum. You want me to dig my nails into your balls??

Ummm is that a freshly pierced lip ring you have there young guy? Why are you trying to go down on me then with that freshly pierced lip ring? Fucking gross�I don�t want your open sore in my vagina. Dumb shits.

Don�t fucking squeeze my sides so hard you leave fingertip bruises! My boyfriend will see those!

I keep everything that is handed to me�.don�t fuckin ask me for change dip shit.

Green makes me smile and love you more : )

Hold your belly up when we are in doggy style it makes a fart-slapping noise if you don�t. I was kind enough to pull your belly back to find your dick just 5 minutes ago when I was on top�.

I honestly laugh when you ask me why my skin is so soft. Let me tell you my routine. I am a bit obsessive compulsive when I comes to flesh to flesh skin cells rubbing off on me. I SCRUB myself every night with sugar and anything else I can find that is abrasive enough to make my skin raw. This is to get your distgusting skin cells and germs off me. Every time you touch me I think I will be expecially scrubbing that area extra hard tonight�your �soft� touches make my skin crawl ya dirty old fucks.

Why is it I expect the worst when a client walks in or I show up? Ok so you have a gimpy arm that is shorter then the other arm with knubs for fingers and a bit deformed. Even your elfish body and rounded chest sets you apart from other guys. You need love too. Since no one but me will fuck ya, I go at it bravely. But why WHY WHY do you have to be so creepy with that arm? I tried to ignore it, and you then proceed to touch me with it and call them your �special fingers� and then shove your knubly deformed half fingered hand into my vagina trying to �pleasure� me. Not only does that creep me out, but it really makes me wonder what karma I have put out for you to show up at my door. Why must I be punished? Therapy�.I need it�

Stop drooling in my mouth and learn how to kiss�.why is your tounge so fat? I can�t believe I just let him go down on me with those rotten ass teeth�I guess it was better then him trying to make out with me�..Gentlemen red onions are offensive�expecially on your breath!...I can�t stop staring at the bats in your cave�

No I will NOT dominate you, you are looking in the WRONG god damn section of EROS. You want �BDSM� not �female escorts�. I DON�T get off sticking things in your ass and making you cross-dress. You couldn�t pay me enough�.well maybe, but you�re a bunch of cheap bastards also, so fuck off. I want triple what I charge hourly.

Repeat, we are NOT dating. I am not your girlfriend. Stop thinking you are cool enough for me to be here if there was no money involved. I wouldn�t even fart your way unless you paid me. Much less show up and just �hang-out�. Don�t fucking tell me you love me, 3 clients this week already beat you to it.

Pussy Eating�.for the so-called �experts� Rule #1 Don�t spead my lips apart with your hands so far that they tear the inner soft skin on the vagina�.how about I pull your pee hole in two different directions�hmmm?? It would rip the sides�wouldn�t it ?fuck stick?? Rule #2 Don�t suck my clit and labia up into your mouth and catch it on your teeth�..lets say I rake my teeth over your cock? Wouldn�t that feel great?? Rule #3 Keep your tounge on the top or the bottom. The middle of my vagina is my pee hole�I don�t know about you but tounging my pee hole is NOT a turn on�.it burns. Rule #4 Lick on TOP of the hood not under. There are 4,000 neves on my clit and it feels WAYYYY to sensitive. Kinda like your cock, JUST after you cum. With that said 80% of guys really really give bad head. That is just my personal observation.
If you ask to extend in the middle of a session, because you are just IN LOVE with me�as most usually are�then make sure you have enough to cover the time used buddy! You can�t refund my time asshole, and just because I didn�t want to get up and talk about business when you asked to extend in my compromising position�don�t take advantage of it and bring less then you think you will spend! Dumb shits�

On a happy end note�I DO have to give some credit to the normal guys. The married ones who are stuck in a marriage and are very attractive and could literally get any younger female they wanted, but stay for the kids. Also the non- freaks, losers, ass-face, deformed, hanicapped, overly obese �etc..guys. who have a charming way about them, but decided not to pursue relationships they are not ready to commit to. I salute and respect you. Because you and I both know you can get an attractive girl, who is unsuspecting and sweet and thinks the best of people, to go home with you after you feed her lies just to get into her pants, and then act as if you care for awhile until the sex gets old then throw her out on her relationship wanting ass. Get smart ladies! Stop sleeping around and not using condoms half the time. Fact: My non escort girlfriends hardly ever use condoms�I yell at them. They are so slack�.and I use to be. BUT I have learned, Men go after what you want. I understand my relationship to you is a client, provider on and there are no gray lines. That is what you are there for, and so am I. You, fantasy porn-star sex�me-benjamin franklins�and it works out.

SO STOP ASKING ME MY REAL GOD DAMN NAME!!!!! It�s none of your fucking business�this is a fantasy I fulfill for you�stop making it so god damn personal. I�m NOT your fucking girlfriend/wife for christ sake (or want to be)�.I�m just a sweet face�..

Location: hotel room
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[Hardrock69]

And that is as it should be.

After all, Krustybot is just a piece of software.

It is not a real human being.


That is why I can insult it so and not feel guilty about it.

[LoungeMachine]

I just love how a Craigslist call girl from Denver feels she's above everyone on this board in every way.

[jhale667]

I just love how a Craigslist call girl from Denver feels she's above everyone on this board in every way.

Define "delusional".

[jhale667]

You know who gives not a single fuck about the Krust?

[WARF]

I just love how a Craigslist call girl from Denver feels she's above everyone on this board in every way.

Please stop giving out personal information. This is your last warning.

Does she have 1/2 hour rates?

[LoungeMachine]

Please stop giving out personal information. This is your last warning.

Does she have 1/2 hour rates?

Did you not read her rant?.......

[WARF]

Did you not read her rant?.......

I don't even like to read ONE sentence from her, but okay I will give it read.

[Hardrock69]

Please stop giving out personal information. This is your last warning.

Does she have 1/2 hour rates?

[jhale667]

This was when I referred to myself as "upscale".

[Hardrock69]

[ashstralia]

an open letter to DLR/=VH=:

please get out and play again, or release something new. (aside of course from the Roth Show... loving that stuff).

this is getting mighty tiresome.

thanks, ash of australia.

[ashstralia]

we was makin somethin of it, and x did mark the spot. but y's a crooked letter i forgot...

just genius.

[ZahZoo]

an open letter to DLR/=VH=:

please get out and play again, or release something new. (aside of course from the Roth Show... loving that stuff).

this is getting mighty tiresome.

thanks, ash of australia.

Mighty tiresome indeed...

Well... I'm just gonna fuckin speak my mind openly. Troublesome that we have 4 Roth Army Moderators in Non instigating mob rule over what they consider a hate-filled troll... yet are doing exactly the very same thing but with laser like focus on a member.

I'm not ignoring the fact that certain amount of trolling and/or attention whoring did provide an opportunity for a good sized target. But to generate multiple threads for a singular purpose over the course of less than a week leads me to question your motivation and in deeper sense your purpose for being here in the role you are in.

There was time when this place was just a side-show and anonymous bashing was the mantra... some of you were elevated to moderator status due to your colorful personality, insight as working musicians, web skills or just caught the fancy of the owner. But as the very reason for this site's existence... Celebrating Dave & VH... has risen to a historic level where the artist himself acknowledges and endorses this community... Should you as Administrators or dare I say leaders of this community be spending this much time and energy attacking your membership? You know those that got you elevated to this role in this circus in the first place?

No. I'm not advocating this place evolve into Links or even worse the Pleasure Dome. But do we want to drive away membership at a time when we're at the top of our game? Think about what happens to champions who reach the pinnacle and then turn into assholes..?